I have become a bit obsessed with my waning hormones so apologies if I’m boring you all rigid but to actively watch your body transition into the unknown is both scary and fascinating. I think I’ve reached a milestone this month, which I thought I’d be doing cartwheels about, but it hasn’t turned out quite as expected and now rather than being joyful I am sodding terrified.
I’ve skipped my first period, which means it’s the beginning of the end and I am probably in the final twelve months of peri-menopause. I thought I’d be jumping for joy as I’ve been wanting my horrendously painful endometriosis and adenomyosis filled periods to end since my teens but instead I am flamin’ miserable. I started with the usual period pain, backache, painful boobs, insomnia and exhaustion on about day 22 of my cycle and after five days of symptoms was more than ready for my period to start so that they’d bugger off, but I am still waiting. I am now on day 40 of my cycle with no sign of bleeding, but the burning, stinging period/pelvic pain is intense, my breasts are killing me and my back pain so bad I have barely slept for a week now. WT-actual-Fuck?!!
I’ve read that it’s very common for women to experience period pain but have no bleed while they transition into Menopause, but most say that after a week or so the pain just disappears – sort of like having a phantom period. But mine is not only not going anywhere it’s getting worse by the day 😦 Surely to God I don’t have to put up with this agony for a whole month until I go through another cycle, or even more terrifying the symptoms won’t stay around forever?!
I feel hugely cheated. I have looked forward to skipping my first period and knowing that finally, finally my monthly torture is coming to an end, but no. My body, traitor that it is, has once again made the situation worse not better. I could weep with the injustice. Have I not suffered enough?
The only good news is that emotionally I am fine, if understandably fed up. No sign of PMS (not that I’ve ever suffered much with that anyway thankfully) and no migraines. I so far also seem to have by-passed a symptom suffered by the vast majority of women in peri-menopause – hot flushes. I had one back in 2012 sat in a cafe, during which I stripped down to my t-shirt even though it was the middle of January and snowing outside, but other than that nada. I’ve had night sweats leading up my period for years, but nothing so drastic they’ve kep me awake at night or forced me to change the sheets or anything, for which I am grateful. I do know, though, that the situation would have been vastly different if I were still eating a diet high in histamines. I used to flush after every meal and am convinced that if my diet had remained the same hot flushes would have been the order of the day. So I guess that’s a silver lining, though to be honest I would have preferred the hot flushes over the excruciating ramp up in pelvic and back pain any day of the week.
So I shall see what develops. The only other time a woman’s body goes through this sort of monumental change is during pregnancy, but at least you kind’ve know what to expect with that. There are a million books on the subject and each woman’s experience is broadly similar. Not so with the Menopause where the most advice you get is “every woman is different” which is no sodding use whatsoever and you’re basically just left to white-knuckle it, doubly so if you already have other health problems. I have absolutely no idea how all this is going to affect my M.E., MCAD or hEDS and even though I thought knew how it was going to pan out with my endo and adeno it turns out I was clueless. I did find a few books on peri-menopause on Amazon, one of which was written by a man (a man!) which is like the blind talking about sight, while others were written by women who haven’t gone through the menopause themselves which is akin to a childless woman writing about giving birth.
It may be that I am not going to actually skip my period this month it is just monumentally late, in which case it needs to hurry the hell up and put me out of my misery. I don’t know and it’s not like anyone else knows either. Watch this space, or look away now, I wish I could!