I haven’t been feeling great this week. The weather’s been boiling (30C) but I actually fare better in summer on the whole, and I haven’t been doing anything out of the ordinary. So I was a bit stumped as to why I was feeling so exhausted, nauseous and generally rubbish when on Friday night Aunt Flo rocked up. She’d been awol for 60 days this time but I should know better than to think she was gone for good. So much for the average British woman entering menopause at 51 – I’ll soon be 53 and that bitch is still on the premises.
I had a lovely day on Wednesday, meeting my bestie down by the river for a picnic. The weather was glorious and for the first hour we had the place to ourselves in blissful silence, but then more people started to arrive including a group of eight boys aged around 10 years old. They hollered, squealed, screamed, dive-bombed the water and generally caused mayhem as 10 year old boys do and it was like a cheese grater on my brain. I’m still pretty noise sensitive and simply can’t handle that level of racket, so I reluctantly had to call it a day as every nerve end in my body was protesting.
My bestie and I were discussing how overwhelmed and exhausted I constantly am, and how busy my life is. I think she wonders what the hell I do with my days and to be fair so do I at times, so I decided to write a diary for a week and log all my activities. Turns out living on your own and having to do every single little thing with no help, plus owning a dog and running my parents lives and home is a lot. Add to that my photography, which I love but is massively time-consuming (you don’t get to be internationally successful at anything in life without a shit load of hard work), and it’s a LOT. What I learned from completing the diary is that I’m doing the best I can to balance my caring duties, the essentials of running my life and home, and trying to do some things I enjoy like my photography, while also managing chronic ill health not to mention 8 years of peri-menopause and enough rest to function. It’s a struggle and I don’t always get it right, but I need to give myself more credit for how well I cope, plus stop being so hard on myself and comparing my life to anyone elses particularly those who aren’t in the same leaky boat as me.
Thursday I found out I was one of 10 winners of a massive global photography competition. I still can’t quite believe it. Little old me, propped up in bed in my tiny cottage in the middle of nowhere! The overall winner will be announced during a Zoom ceremony in September and the prize is a trip to Oman 😮. Not that I am well enough to go even if I were chosen, but that didn’t stop me Googling Oman and daydreaming! The organization are also going to donate €30,000 to Covid-19 research, which is more important than any holiday.
I was clearly on a photography roll this week, as the next day I discovered I had won 2 gold medals in an international photography exhibition based in India. Go me! 😉
The weekend has been taken up with thinking about the bungalow and asking the Universe to help me secure it if it’s in my best interests. The builder got back to me to say he was still interested in doing the work which is great, however I’ve written to my buyers to ask if they still want to buy my house and have had no reply as yet and that’s worrying as they were so keen – the thought of the effort involved in putting my house back on the market fills me with dread 😦 I want the bungalow so much I can’t even put it into words but will just have to try and relax and go with the flow, as much of the situation is totally outside my control. I’ll keep you posted.