Tag Archives: peri-menopause

The M Word

Last week, Newsnight presenter Kirsty Wark appeared in a documentary on the Menopause.  To be honest it didn’t tell me anything I didn’t already know but it was nice to hear about another woman’s experience because we just don’t talk about it in this country, not even amongst ourselves.  Yet it will happen to every single one of us.  I remember joining my Camera Club and was talking to a woman there in her early 60s.  I was rampantly hormonal that night and got confused so said jokingly “ignore me, I’ve got Menopause brain” and her eyes nearly popped out of her head that I would mention the ‘M’ word in polite conversation.

Historically, women’s hormones have been a taboo subject because we’ve lived in a male dominated world, even though men are currently in a 48% minority here in the UK.  Yes we had a female Prime Minister in the form of Margaret Thatcher but she only rose to power because she acted like a man, which kind’ve defeated the entire purpose of having a woman in charge.  Girls have always been seen as emotional, hysterical creatures simply because we behave differently to men and anyone who shows emotions is still seen as weak and not to be relied upon – then we wonder why mental health issues affect 1 in 3 people :-/

Women are just supposed to get on with their periods.  The adverts on tv tell us if we only use x brand of tampon we’ll be running marathons or climbing mountains, and if we pop a Feminax Ultra we won’t know what pain is.  Thankfully for some women this is the case but for others periods are a form of 4 weekly torture and going about our day business as usual is jut not possible.  This of course intensifies during Menopause yet we’re supposed to act like nothing is happening.  We are, thankfully, now sympathetic to puberty-induced erratic behaviour, door slamming and crying fits, and pregnant women are allowed days off work if they’re unwell, but the Menopause is still ignored and I can’t for the life of me understand why.  It’s the largest bodily change in any woman’s life and can cause absolute havoc.

We aren’t even honest about Menopause amongst ourselves.  When my periods first started to change and I suspected peri-menopause I went to see my (female) GP who said “well it’s a bit early but it only lasts 2 years then it will all be over with” which even I knew was a big fat lie!  Six years on and there is still no sign that my periods are about to stop for good.  The biggest shock of the documentary for me was to hear that at age 61, and ten years after The Change, Kirsty still has Menopause symptoms in particular the fact that she still doesn’t sleep well.  The myth that our periods stop and that’s the end of that may be true for some women, but certainly not for all.  In a phone-in for the documentary a 72 year old woman rang up to say she was still having hot flushes every single day of her life twenty years after her final period and I remember my paternal Grandmother started to sweat profusely following Menopause and didn’t stop ’til the day she died.  My own Mum’s vagina atrophied so much in her mid seventies that she was prescribed oestrogen pessaries and her (female) Gynaecologist joked “women were supposed to die shortly after Menopause, so to be honest we’ve no idea how to treat hormone-induced symptoms in old people!” which tells you everything you need to know about the lack of information given to medical students in respect to older women and the female-related issues they face.

I don’t particularly want to celebrate my Menopause but I have no intention of ignoring it either.  I will bring it up in conversation if I feel the need and people can be as shocked as they like.  I won’t beat myself up, or apologise for, feeling irrational or emotional and will pamper myself when I’m feeling physically crap.  I won’t be hard on myself when I’m fatter at 55 than I was at 45, or joke about needing an afternoon nap.   All this is normal and it’s about time society recognized this huge transition in women’s lives and made allowances.

 

Weekly roundup

This has been the second week of my stay-cation and the weather has been absolutely baltic.  As I walked Bertie in the howling wind, my face battered by hailstones, it felt more like Autumn than Spring and my plans for sitting outside on my swingseat reading a book and chilling have gone by the wayside.  I appear to fail dismally at chilling.  Much as I think it’s how I want to spend my time when I get the opportunity I still seem to find something to do, usually all the things I haven’t had time for in the past 6 months!

My very busy week last week inevitably led to me feeling like I’d been in a car crash and I endured a three day migraine which left me pretty miserable.  Having said all that, it was still worth it and I’d do it all again 😉

I am not vain about my looks but do like to keep my teeth nice.  We Europeans have manky teeth compared to our American friends and I’ve no idea why.  While it’s true there were virtually no cosmetic dentists in the UK until ten years ago we’ve caught up now and even here in the back of beyond one can have one’s teeth bleached, which is exactly what I’ve been doing recently.  When I reached 40 I realized my teeth were already yellow, so treated myself for my birthday to teeth whitening.  I did the cheapest option whereby the dentist makes custom trays into which you place the gel whitener and you wear them for a couple of hours a day over two weeks at home.  At the time I was still quite ill with M.E. and hugely chemically sensitive, so the first time I put the trays on with the peroxide in I held my breath wondering what would happen, but all was fine.  I bleached again when I turned 45 and being as though I’m 50 this year I thought it was time for another bash.  I will never have white teeth, as they aren’t white to start with, but at least they look nice and bright and I feel more confident when I smile.

When I had my bloods done in February my kidney function came back at 73 when, for my age, it should be in the 90s.  This is classed as “stage 2 chronic kidney disease” and, as mast cell disease can affect the kidneys, I was a bit panicked.  My GP, however, wasn’t in the slightest concerned and said the test is only a snapshot and can be affected by all sorts of things, eg. dehydration, but agreed to re-do the test recently just for my peace of mind.  Thankfully it had increased to 83 which, if 2 of my friends of a similar age hadn’t both had kidney tests which came back in the 80s recently would still have freaked me out, but I now recognize seems to be fairly normal.

My backside is currently covered in hives and I’m not sure why.  I am not stressed, I’m relaxing (at least doing my version of relaxing!) and have actually had a lovely few weeks.  I have woken up sneezing my head off a lot recently though and am wondering if it’s hayfever (I’m allergic to Birch pollen) – if so, that would explain the mast cells in my butt going nuts.  I’m also still coughing up mucus following the cold I had in March and am pig sick – surely to God it should have gone by now?!

My hormones have been absolutely rampant since my last period, so I’m sure that’s not helping the mast cell situation one iota.  OMG have I got the munchies and am craving ice cream which I only ever eat when I’m pre-menstrual.  I’ve gained 7lbs in the past six months and my clothes are all uncomfortably tight, so I’m trying really hard not to cave in to the cravings but it’s sooooooo hard!  I think the only thing that would stop me eating crap at the moment would be chaining me to the bed 😉  Add to that hormone-induced insomnia, which also makes me want to snack, and I’m a lost cause.

I’ve been having some problems with my dog Bertie the past fortnight.  For those that don’t know, he’s a rescue Mini Schnauzer who I adopted when he was 2½ and is now nearly 9.  He’s always had isolation anxiety and can’t be left on his own, but is happy for me to leave him so long as he’s with someone he knows.  He loves my Mum and Dad who spoil him rotten and I’ve never had any issues leaving him with them……….until recently.  All out of the blue he became reluctant to even go over their doorstep and once there and given his usual Dentastix treat he refused to eat it until I appeared in the lounge.  We can’t work out what has upset him, so I’m having to start from scratch again with the separation anxiety and go to my parents’ every day, staying with him so he doesn’t associate us going with me leaving him.  Just what I needed to do on my holidays when I was looking forward to a break from visiting my folks!

The only fun thing I’ve done this week is have my friend’s two kids over for a photoshoot.  It’s absolute chaos and I’m knackered after the first ten minutes but they love being ‘models’ and having their faces made up.  I get all sorts of weird and wacky ideas in my head for photos and they are happy to let me practice on them.  Here’s one of Saturday’s images (reproduced with the parents’ consent):

 

 

More on peri-menopause

I’ve had a request for an update on my peri-menopause.  Apologies to my younger, and male, readers to whom this doesn’t apply – be thankful cos it sucks.

I first noticed my periods had started to change back in 2012 – I’ve charted my cycles since then which you can see in this post.  I also wrote about my journey to date last July which you can read here.

Nothing much seems to have changed in the last 6 months as far as I can tell.  My periods continue to be regular though a bit erratic.  My last five cycles have been 23 days, 28 days, 26 days, 21 days and this month 25 days.  Bleeding is heavier than it used to be, particularly on the first day, and more clotty.  I can find myself changing tampons every 1-2 hours because they’re soaked.  I’ve actually fainted a few times in the past 6 months while having my period.  I now know this is probably due to very low iron levels.

I’ve never had long periods, usually 2-3 days, and this hasn’t changed.  However I’m now spotting, sometimes quite heavily, for up to 4 days after my period has finished which is new.  Also new this month is mid-cycle spotting.  I’m currently on day 9 of my cycle and have had a brown/bloody discharge for the past 24 hours.  I’ve also had stomach cramps and severe nausea, however I think that may be related to the iron supplement I’m taking so I’m discontinuing that for the next few days to see if it settles then will try it again once ovulation is over so that I know which symptom belongs to what.

My brain fog is currently dreadful.  I feel like I’ve been koshed over the head and all I want to do is sleep.  However, this could be down to my anaemia – when you have different health issues going on it’s so hard to know what’s causing what.

My sleep has definitely been worse the past few months.  I get off to sleep OK but wake several times during the night and I’m having some powerful dreams/nightmares.

My legs are on fire by 9pm every single night.  This has been going on for some years now and gives me wicked restless legs which drive me insane.  My top half is freezing but my feet are dangling outside the covers even though it’s winter and often sub zero at night!

I have some pretty bad night sweats, where I wake covered in a film of what feels like oil from head to toe, but these are currently confined to when I’m actually having my period or the few days leading up to it.

I have vaginal dryness, though so far only around ovulation and for a week or so after menstruation.  I’ve always taken my vaginal lubrication for granted and now realize how important it is.  When it’s absent your knickers rub against your bits and actually make them sore 😦   I’ve had to buy some K-Y jelly to combat this, which stings when I first put it on but does thankfully settle down.  My skin is much more dry in general.  I’ve never really used moisturizer on my face but now feel the need to, simply because it feels itchy and tight if I don’t.

My breasts seem to be very tender most of the time.  I only have about 5 days after the end of my period where they’re OK then the aching and tenderness start again.  New in the past few months has been stinging, shooting nerve pain which goes from under my armpits to my nipple.  Ouch.  No, really.  OUCH!  I’ve had this checked out via a mammogram and thankfully all is fine and it’s just been put down to my hormones.

I always forget to mention sex drive when talking about my peri-menopause because I’m not in a relationship so it’s basically irrelevant to me.  However, for those who are interested my libido seems to be largely unchanged though does fluctuate massively with my menstrual cycle.  I am intensely horney around ovulation and again around my period week, but not so much the rest of the time.  If I were in a relationship, however, I’d be far too knackered and nauseous to want rumpy pumpy.

For the entire time of peri-menopause I’ve had palpitations.  I’m sitting watching the telly and all of a suddenly I skip a heart beat then get a huge thump of a heart beat after it, or I get a run of thumpy beats.  They’re really unpleasant and as the adrenalin surges round my body it can make me feel quite anxious.  I’ve had them checked out with a 24 holter monitor and the doctor said they are nothing to worry about – it sure doesn’t feel benign though when you’re having them.

My memory is truly awful and I struggle for words constantly (I sat for quite some time trying to think of the word “benign” in the previous paragraph!).  It’s embarrassing and frustrating to have such poor cognition and I know this probably won’t improve now and I’ll just have to live with it.

I’m sorry to have to tell other EDSers this, but since I started peri-menopause 5 years ago my joints and ligaments have gone to hell in a handcart.  I’d never subluxed a joint until my hormones started to wane and my body seems to have stiffened up literally overnight.  I feel like my body has aged 20 years in my mid forties.

On the plus side I’ve had much fewer migraines since I started peri-menopause.  I used to have them up to 3 times a week, and they’re now down to around 2 a month and these are confined to ovulation and menstruation 🙂

My energy levels are rubbish, but again I think that’s down to my anaemia rather than the peri-menopause per se (although it’s probably the menopause which is causing the anaemia!).  No matter how exhausted I feel, though, I do try and get out for a short walk every single day as I feel continuing to exercise is really important for bone health, muscle strength, mental health and Vitamin D levels.

My mood is good on the whole.  I do have odd days where I feel intense and inexplicable rage, and days where I could burst into tears at the slightest thing, but nothing which isn’t manageable.  I do also have days where I feel intensely anxious for no good reason, but again this is to be expected with wildly surging hormones and isn’t anything I can’t handle.

I seem to be hungry all the time and it’s really hard not to cave in to the munchies.  Many women gain weight around the menopause then can’t shift it, so I’m really conscious of how much I’m eating and how little I’m exercising as I’m exhausted much of the time and in so much pain.  I’ve gained 4lbs in the past 6 months, which doesn’t sound much but I’m only tiny to start with and my jeans are definitely uncomfortable!  The bloating from my endo and adeno isn’t helping the situation one iota.

The biggest plus for me so far is that I’ve not had any hot flushes.  Over the 5 years of peri I’ve only had two, though I’m sure I won’t get off scott free!

In a nutshell, so far the worst symptoms for me have been:

  • Nausea
  • Hot legs and feet at night
  • Marked worsening of my Ehlers-Danlos syndrome

But bonuses have included:

  • Much fewer migraines
  • So far no hot flushes

The thing which has disappointed me the most is how long the whole process is taking.  My Doctor said once my periods started to change it would all be over with in 2 years – wishful thinking that was!  I’m 5 years into peri-menopause and the whole thing seems to be taking forever.  You read about it lasting up to 10 years and secretly think to yourself “nah, it won’t take that long for me” but I currently feel like the whole thing is interminable.  I just want it over and done with so that my body can re-adjust and I can learn to live without my hormones.

 

 

 

Blood Results

I had to go to the Surgery today to pick up my Famotidine prescription, so while I was at reception I asked if my recent blood results had come back.  They had, so I requested a print-out and there is some great news and some mildly not-as-great news.

The good news:

  • I only have a 1.3% change of having a heart attack or stroke in the next 10 years.  You can do your own QRISK test online here.
  • My inflammatory markers (Serum C reactive protein) are low at <2mg/L (normal is anything under 5mg/L).  Bizarre being as though I have chronic gastritis (an inflammatory stomach disease), MCAD (which causes chronic inflammation) and am permanently injured due to my EDS (injuries cause inflammation).  My C reactive protein levels have always been low, which is great if not a true predictor of what’s actually going on inflammation-wise!
  • Liver normal.
  • Urea and electrolytes normal.
  • Blood sugar is fine.  HbA1c level is 32, which equates to an actual blood sugar level of 5.5% (anything under 48/6.5% is normal).
  • Folate levels are good at 4.7ug/L (anything above 2.5ug/L is normal).
  • B12 levels are good at 378ng/L (normal levels are between 197-771ng/L).  Obviously as a pesco-vegetarian it’s important to monitor B12.
  • Full blood count is normal.

The not as good news:

  • My Vitamin D levels are normal but at the low end of normal.  I live in the northern hemisphere and we’re at the end of winter, so this is to be expected.  I do try to keep my Vit D levels up by eating dairy products daily and getting outside for at least 30 minutes every day of my life with Bertie, but we don’t have much sunshine here in the north of England so it’s easy for Vit D levels to be low.  It’s not something I worry about in any way and I don’t usually feel any worse in winter than I do in summer.
  • I have low iron, which again comes as no surprise and is the reason I went for a blood test in the first place.  My serum ferritin is 18ug/L (normal is 17-291ug/L) and, coupled with my 5 risk factors, I need to see my GP re iron deficiency anaemia.  Sadly I can’t get an appointment with my GP until 22nd March (!) so in the meantime I’ll buy some liquid iron from the supermarket and try that (liquid iron has less iron in it than most of the tablets, so tends not to cause constipation though it does take longer for iron stores to increase).
  • The biggest shock was that my kidney function is lower than it should be for my age at 73 (between the ages of 40 and 59 it should be in the 90s).  A GFR (Glomerular Filtration Rate) of 73 is classed as stage 2 chronic kidney disease, although doesn’t require any treatment.  I would have completely freaked out when I read this if my best mate, who is 8 years younger than me, hadn’t had the exact same result recently.  Her GP said it was nothing to worry about, though you do wonder why we both have reduced kidney function!  My Mum has a GFR of 45 but her GP isn’t bothered and says no treatment is needed, so it seems unless your GFR is 1/3 of normal it’s not something to be concerned about?!

In a way I’m glad my iron has come back low because it explains the symptoms I’ve been having for the past few months and hopefully I can do something about it (makes a change!).  Having been pesco-vegetarian for nearly 30 years this is the first time my ferritin levels have ever been below normal, so it just shows the impact a reduced diet or taking certain medications can have and also the extra burdens placed on our bodies during Menopause.

Anaemia

I’ve been feeling really washed out the past couple of months and my get up and go has got up and gone.  Both ME and EDS cause “fatigue” but I’ve had both for so long that I know what that exhaustion feels like and my current waffy-ness feels different.  I’ve also been dizzy……a lot.  I do suffer from dizziness as part of my existing conditions, but only for the odd day now and then and it’s usually so severe I can’t get out of bed.  My current dizziness is milder but ever present and each time I turn my head the world tilts slightly on its axis.  Plus I’m not sleeping.  I’ve had insomnia for over 2 decades but again this feels different and I just have a niggle that “summat’s up”.

Of course I am peri-menopausal and fatigue, dizziness and insomnia are simply part of the bag for many women.  But then so is anaemia especially if your periods are heavy, and mine are definitely heavier than they used to be.  There are various types of anaemia, but in menstruating women iron deficiency anaemia is the most common so I made an appointment to see the nurse today to get my bloods checked.

I have just about every risk factor for anaemia going:

1.   Peri-menopause/Menopause

Any menstruating woman can be at risk from anaemia, particularly if she has heavy periods.

2.   Endometriosis

I’m not just bleeding from my uterus every month, I’m also bleeding into my pelvic cavity because I have endometriosis.

3. MCAS

Anaemia is the most common issue affecting red blood cells in MCAS patients.  See Lisa’s excellent post written on this issue over at Mastattack.org

4. Gastritis

Any type of inflammatory stomach or intestinal disorder can cause anaemia, eg. gastritis, ulcers, diverticulitis, crohn’s disease, colitis, coeliac disease, GERD (ie acid reflux).

5. Drugs used to treat GERD

PPIs, H2 blockers and antacids can all interfere with iron absorption and I have been swigging Gaviscon and Rennies recently like they’re going out of fashion on top of taking an H2 antihistamine.

4. Diet

I’ve been pesco-vegetarian for nearly 30 years.  Before getting Histamine Intolerance I was very careful to eat a wide range of high iron vegetarian foods but since getting HIT and having to eat low histamine I’ve had to remove many of these from my diet, eg. spinach, soya beans, kidney beans, dried fruit, cashew nuts.

Diet deserves special mention.  People with ME, EDS, HIT and/or mast cell diseases are often on restricted diets of one kind or another.  Here in the UK we hardly ever get to see a Dietician, so are left to try and work out our food issues alone.  We often don’t have the skills or knowledge to decide if we’re eating enough of the right foods to give us all the vitamins and minerals we need, so it’s really important to have our bloods checked once a year just to make sure we’re not deficient (I was shocked to learn today that I hadn’t had a full blood work up since 2014 despite all the various issues I’ve had in the past year or two!).

I won’t get my results back until early next week, so I’ll keep you posted.  For those of a religious disposition please pray I’m not anaemic and don’t need iron tablets.  My poop is the only thing in my entire digestive tract which is currently normal so the last thing I need is to not be able to go-potty for days on end! 😉

Weekly roundup

In order for me to get through everything I need to do with my very limited energy I have to have a schedule.  I break the week up into days and each day up into hours and each hour has an activity.  It stops me feeling overwhelmed and (in theory) stops me from doing too much of a particular activity at any one time which helps with energy management.  Doing fun things, and not doing anything at all, are built into my schedule.  If they weren’t I’d do nothing but chores 7 days a week and I’ not prepared to have a life devoid of leisure time.  The system works until I have a migraine or my period or my patio floods and I have to get an emergency plumber and can’t get my jobs for that day done.  Then it all turns to shit 😉

I’ve been ragingly hormonal for days, despite it being a week since my period ended.  When I’m hormonal I crave dairy products for some bizarre reason.  Warm milky drinks, ice cream, rice pudding (mmmmm I could eat a rice pudding right now and it’s 7am!) which I don’t eat at any other time.  I just go with the flow as my body is obviously trying to tell me something.   Friday I spent the day ravenously hungry which is usually a sign I’m getting a migraine, and sure enough I woke in the middle of the night with my brain throbbing.  Luckily it wasn’t a bad one though and had largely gone by lunchtime.  Last night I went to bed fine, woke at 3am and felt horrendously depressed and started to cry, managed to talk myself round and go back to sleep and have woken this morning absolutely fine again.  This peri-menopause malarky is seriously bonkers.

My EDS has taken a proper nosedive in the past few months.  I don’t know whether it’s weather-related, hormone-related or not related to anything in particular.  It’s such a shame because ME-wise I feel relatively stable and MCAD-wise I feel quite good (!).  I’m in pain just about everywhere, all my ligaments and muscles are stiff, I can’t get comfortable no matter what I do and I walk about like a bloody 90 year old.  I’m also permanently knackered (the lack of energy from my EDS is totally different from the ill-exhaustion I feel when my ME is bad) so I’m finding living life on a practical level hard work.  These are the times I wish I were rich and had servants.

I had some great news this week about my furry friend Bertie.  He’s had a large lump on his tail for some months now and the Vet hasn’t been sure what it is.  She didn’t want to do a biopsy as there is very little skin on a dog’s tail and wounds are notoriously difficult to heal, so it’s been monitored for changes.  Over Christmas I noticed a scab had formed so went back to the Vets this week for a check.  She was able to remove the scab and squeeze ten tonnes of cheesy crap out of the lump, which proves it was a cyst and nothing more sinister.  I’m so relieved and I’m sure Bert is much more comfortable with all that nasty gunk gone.

I’m ready for spring now, even though it’s at least 2 months away.  It takes forever to get all my kit on to take Bertie out and, although it’s been a good winter in most respects, I’m just ready for it to be warmer.  Mind you, when it gets warmer it tends to get wetter then I moan about the rain!  Let’s face it, I just wish I lived somewhere sunnier even if it is stunningly beautiful here.

I’ve been bargain hunting on Ebay this week.  I have some ideas for some gothic-inspired photographs so have been ratching for medieval costumes.  Ebay and Amazon are fucking brilliant – you can buy anything on there and often for under a tenner (which is a good job cos I’m absolutely broke).  Watch this space!

 

 

Weekly roundup

I really should learn to keep my ginormous mush shut.  I forget the Gods are listening and the second I boast about “not having any symptoms” of peri-menopause they decide to give me some just to prove me wrong.

Ever since my last period I’ve been in hormone hell.  I have had griping period/endo pain for the entire month but worse, oh so much worse, my nipples have been itching.  This is no ordinary tickle, but a Holy Mary Mother of God raging itch which can’t be satisfied and which makes me want to tear the damned things right off my body.  I have tried all sorts of creams which haven’t helped and resorted to wearing gel nipple guards which I keep in the fridge to stop them rubbing against my bra (the cold means I now have permanent nipple erection!).  The itching was preceded by a couple of weeks of pain – shooting, stinging nerve pain which woke me up from sleep.  I’m not sure which is worse.  Actually, scrap that, I do know which is worse – the sodding itching!!

I already had an appointment booked with my GP for Friday on another issue (more of that below) so thought I’d mention the itching to make sure it was just hormone related.   I’d examined my breasts and found nothing untoward, however when the Doctor examined me (pressing so hard on my massively tender and sore boobs I nearly went through the ceiling) she found a pea sized lump.  Shocker and not at all what I was expecting.  As I have no other changes apart from a very small bruised area on my right breast she doesn’t think it’s anything sinister, however has made an appointment to see me again in two weeks to see if it’s still there.  If it is she will refer me to the Breast Clinic at the hospital for tests.

The original reason I went to see my GP was about the tremor I first noticed back at the start of the year and which I wrote about in this post.  The Doctor has confirmed that it looks like I do indeed have a Benign Familial Essential Tremor which doesn’t exactly fill me with joy.  My Mum can no longer cut her nails, pick up a cup of tea, hold a book or even write her own name and knowing I have that to look forward to is pants.  Why am I the child who has inherited every genetic condition in my entire family while my brother has gotten off scot free?!  He even has EDS/Marfan traits but not a single symptom and, while I wouldn’t wish illness on anyone, it would feel more fair if he had at least a share of the genetic crap-o-la instead of me being landed with the lot.

Wednesday my cleaner cancelled on me again as her back is still bad, and to add insult to injury my dog walker cancelled the same day as her daughter was ill.  I do hope the cleaner comes this week because the house is a pig sty and I’m in the midst of an extruciatingly painful period and not up to wielding either the hoover or the mop.

The week hasn’t been a complete right off though.  I entered the first print competition of our Camera Club season and the judging took place on Wednesday.  I’m shocked and delighted to announce I achieved both 1st (for my portrait) and 2nd (for my nature shot) in my league, pictures below: