Tag Archives: gut feelings

The Feels

During the summer, I won the biggest photography competition of my life. I have no clue why I entered. It was an organization I don’t usually have any dealings with and I can’t even remember now how I heard about it, but once I knew it seemed to constantly be on my mind.

It was a global competition with potentially millions of entries. “There’s no way on god’s earth I’d stand a chance of winning” I thought to myself, yet I entered anyway. And the reason I entered was because I had The Feels. Something in my gut told me it was important for me to enter. I knew I’d be amongst the winners, even while dismissing my own intuition as wishful thinking.

I get The Feels about places, events and people. A new couple have moved in to a house next door to me. They are perfectly pleasant and haven’t really put a foot wrong, yet I don’t like the woman. I’ve tried to like her because there’s no tangible reason not to, but I know that there is something about her I should be wary of. I’m not sure what yet, but it’s there. Her husband, OTOH, is absolutely lovely.

We all have intuition, we just don’t accept, tune in, or acknowledge it. But as I’ve aged I’ve learned to trust my gut more and more. It never lets me down, even if I don’t understand situations when they happen as with the bungalow-which-fell-through sitch, which felt absolutely like it was meant to be in my soul.

An old school friend of mine used to say this “what is meant for you, won’t go by you”. I thought when I was younger that this was absolute bollocks, but now I totally get what it means. There’s all sorts of stuff I’d like in life which I don’t get yet which I think I deserve, and all sorts of scenarios which I think should have panned out but didn’t, but the truly important things have always come easily. Chance encounters, unasked for help from unlikely sources, money from nowhere landing in my lap. I haven’t worked for, or looked for, or asked for any of it yet it’s appeared anyway.

My partial recovery is a case in point. For 6 years I spent tens of thousands of pounds trying to get better from very severe M.E. I tried every ‘cure’ known to man, yet none of it helped. Then one day, skint and exhausted from the fight, I decided to simply accept my lot. I was going to be bedridden forever and I just needed to get the fuck over it and live my life as best I could despite it. And that’s honestly when my recovery began – when I stopped trying. Which doesn’t mean to say I just lay there like a blob all day! I still paced, and tried to eat well, and took medication for my sleep and pain and all manner of other stuff but I wasn’t trying to get better, I was merely trying to live my best life within my given set of circumstances. And having done that, the Universe helped me along.

I don’t get The Feels very often. We don’t encounter life altering situations every week, so when I do have intuition about something I listen. The more something feels wrong, or the more it’s on my mind, or the more it feels right……the more I listen. My gut instinct is the Universe’s way of speaking to my soul.

Intuition or wishful thinking?

As many of you know, I want (need!) to move house and in February was in the middle of purchasing a property when it fell through.  I was absolutely devastated, as I’d been looking for a suitable new home for 5 years and this one had everything I wanted but didn’t ever think I could afford and I’d been working towards securing it for months.

Looking back now, however, the house sale not going ahead was the best thing that could ever have happened to me.  I would have been moving the week before lockdown was announced to a property which needed total renovation.  The plan was for me to live in the one room annexe on the side of the bungalow, with a make-shift kitchen and horrible spider riddled shower room for 2 months while a team of builders made the main house habitable.  But, of course, none of this would have happened due to Covid and I would still be there now, 4½ months later, having had to live with no kitchen or proper bathroom during the pandemic.  The stress would have been unbearable, not least because I would have taken the bed bugs I didn’t know I had with me in my bed frame and would have thought I’d been infested with them at the new house which would have put me off living there forever!

Having put the failed move behind me, I hadn’t really given the bungalow a seconds thought………..until last week, when it popped into my head without bidding.  The thoughts were persistent and I couldn’t work out why I was suddenly obsessed again with the house.

On Saturday, bored with our usual walks, I decided to take Bertie out for his afternoon jollies to a beauty spot 10 miles away and for some reason decided to travel through the village where the bungalow was on the way, just for a peek.  It was just as I had left it and I got the warm, fuzzy feeling I’ve talked about before just driving past.  Weird, and I’ve never felt that way about a house before in my life.

I’m signed up for alerts on Rightmove for suitable bungalows in my area, and on Tuesday received an email about reduced properties.  And there is was, the bungalow!  It had been reduced by £10,000.  It’s almost as if my brain knew something was in the offing the week before and was gearing me up to start thinking again about the house.

One of the reasons the sale fell through was due to issues with the septic tank, which was in a farmer’s field.  So this morning I rang my conveyancer to ask if we’d ever heard back about the easement over the field, which is legally needed when the house is sold.  He didn’t know, but got back to me this afternoon to tell me that the easement was in place so if I wanted to try again to secure the house it was fine.

My next port of call is to contact the builder who I’d lined up to do the renovations, just to see if he’s still available this summer.  His answer will determine whether I still try to buy the house, or not.

I am someone who gets gut feelings about things and when I was younger I used to doubt and ignore them, but as I’ve aged I’ve trusted my intuition much more.  Which is why, when the house purchase fell through, I was so devastated – every instinct was telling me this was going to be my forever home, yet everything went belly up!  It really shook me and made me question whether I’d ever had intuition at all, or had it just been wishful thinking?

But the bungalow wasn’t even on my radar last week – it just popped into my brain and refused to leave.  Then literally a few days later I get an email saying the vendor had reduced the price, which makes me hope that he will be open to negotiation now where he wasn’t back in February.  It’s all just too coincidental to be chance.

So I will be making another offer.  And if it’s meant to be it will be accepted.  And if it’s not meant to be it won’t.  And if it’s not, maybe it’s just been filling a gap while the right house becomes available.





Watching for the signs

When I adopted Bertie in 2008 I felt like it was meant to be.  I looked at loads of dogs online in local rescue centres but the signs that he was The One shouted at me loud and clear.  For a start he has the same name as my Dad – I know, freaky!  And for seconds he has the same birthday as my Nanna.  The Universe couldn’t have been clearer if he’d had He’s Yours tattooed on his cute, furry forehead.

I moved into my current house in 2004.  I’d been looking for the right property for 5 lonnnng years, but due to my health problems I had strict criteria.  It had to be within a 7 mile radius of my parents – tick.  Outdoor space but no lawn to mow as I couldn’t cope – tick.  Two bedrooms – tick.  A good sized bathroom with a separate shower – tick.  And I longed for a separate utility room – tick.  But there were things I was uneasy about.  I absolutely didn’t want to live by a road due to my brain issues and need to rest, and this house was literally 4 feet away from the curbside. I’d also desperately wanted a view and this house really didn’t have one.  I would have ummmed and ahhhhhd over buying it, if it weren’t for 2 things: when I’d lain in bed dreaming about my next house, for some reason I simply knew it would contain a sink in the bedroom and tongue & groove panelling in the bathroom rather than tiles.  Don’t ask me how I knew this, I just did.  And sure enough my current house has both.   It’s weird when you think about it, because what house these days has a sink in the bedroom?  An en suite maybe, but just a sink?!  And to add icing to the cake, the postcode for the property is my parents’ initials 😮

Having said all that, I didn’t get the warm and fuzzies over my current house.  It felt like a compromise being next to the road and having no view and even when I bought it I felt a bit flat.  My intuition knew it was the right house for me at the time, but not for all time.   And although on the whole I’ve been really happy living in my little cottage for the past 15 years, here I am moving on.

Like last time I’ve been looking for a bungalow now for 5 lonnnnng years and had said internally to myself that if something hadn’t come up by Xmas I was going to stop searching and try and be happy where I am.  And, blow-me-over-with-a-feather, I had my offer accepted on the house I’m buying 4 days before Christmas – sign number 1.

The house I’m moving to is in a tiny hamlet that I’d never been to in my life before, yet when I drove through it to view the property I genuinely got the warm and fuzzies and a word kept jumping into my mind in capital letters: HOME.  Even now when I approach the village I suddenly feel happy for no reason.  Sign number 2.

I desperately wanted a large room to use as a photography studio and it never crossed my mind I’d find a bungalow with a separate annexe.  Sign number 3.

I have a gorgeous view – tick.  The house is on a slight hill and set well back from the road – tick.  In fact, all those years ago when I was living in town and dreaming of living in the country what I ideally wanted was a detached house with a private, south facing garden, a view and to have space but not be totally isolated from neighbours and as it turns out my Dad knows the neighbour opposite, who came over to introduce himself and seems lovely.  Tick, tick, tick and tick!

We have “gut feelings” about things and voices whisper to us that we simply don’t listen to.  We push thoughts away because our reason tells us we’re being ridiculous, when we really should be trusting our intuition more.  We should take heed of the signs and not poo pooh them as wishful thinking.  As I get older, and more confident in who I am as a person, I listen to other people less and my inner self more.  Which isn’t to say this move will be easy or stress free.  In fact, at 3.30am this morning I woke having a panic attack at what I’m about to take on and what could go wrong and I remember lying in bed on the first night in my little cottage and wondering what the fuck I’d done!  Following our dreams takes courage and a leap of faith but when the signs are there we know everything will turn out OK in the end.