I feel like I’m living in a state of altered consciousness. Seeing events unfold from outside my body, like I’m watching a disaster movie. I have no clue what day of the week it is (this was started yesterday, because to me yesterday was Sunday) and don’t even ask me what month we’re in. It’s hugely disorientating.
Usually a very robust, take-shit-on-the-chin country lass I have had the worst week for my mental health in many a long year. I have dealt with a cartload of stress in the past 12 months so was already wobbly before the pandemic arrived. The verbal abuse I was subjected to this week in my lovely, safe community was simply the last straw and I have cried more in the past week than I have in forever. My raging, menopausal hormones haven’t helped!
After a week with the worst case of diarrhoea I’ve ever come across my Dad has finally stopped pooping, thank God. However, he’s a super sociable and outgoing person and isn’t coping at all well with confinement, so is really snappy and irritable. On top of that, my Mum isn’t allowed out to get alcohol and I’m certainly not buying her any (I suspect she’s getting her grand-daughter to get her the odd bottle of plonk from the supermarket), so she’s proper bitchy and critical. If my parents haven’t killed each other by the end of the 3 month shielded period it will be nothing short of a miracle!
My s-i-l starts her chemotherapy tomorrow, so her daughter has had to move out as she’s in contact with the public through her job as a police officer. There are some wonderful people out there who have offered free accommodation to front line staff who can’t live at home, so she’s now ensconced for 3 months in a 5 star log cabin on a small holiday complex a few miles out of town. She even has a hot tub 😉
For 2 nights running I stopped up until midnight to try and book my next Tesco delivery slot and am happy to report that I now have deliveries until the end of April. Not only am I shopping for myself as a vulnerable person, I’m also shopping for my shielded parents, my 80 year old next door neighbours, my elderly friend in the next town and my elderly, very disabled friend also in the next town, so my one delivery is serving 5 vulnerable folks. It felt like I’d won the lotto when I was able to secure a slot, though the effort of being woken by my alarm at 11.45pm, having to sit with finger poised for over half an hour until I reached the front of the queue, then of course being so wired I couldn’t get back to sleep for hours left me with a banging migraine for 2 whole days.
I delivered this week’s shopping to my very disabled friend on Thursday morning. He sat on his walker in the porch with a coffee, and I sat in my car from 6 feet away with my flask and a kitkat. We were chatting away when he suddenly became tearful and admitted it was the 4th anniversary of his beloved wife’s death. Being in total isolation he was feeling her loss more than ever and it was awful to not be able to give him a hug 😦 The normal stresses of life aren’t going away just because we are in the middle of a global pandemic.
Lots of people are online saying how bored they are but I’ve been up to my eyeballs as usual. The cleaning (including having to blitz my parents’ house on more than one occasion due to the diarrhoea situation), washing (ditto) and shopping for 5 households, as well as taking the dog out as usual has filled my time and taken what little energy I possess. My freezer was becoming depleted, so yesterday I spent hours making smoothies, roasting red peppers for sauce and making low histamine meals to freeze – my back felt like it was going to snap in two by the end and my hands and shoulders are still painful this morning I haven’t had time to be bored. This week the dog needs a clip because he’s starting to resemble a Yeti. He had an appointment at the groomers the day after the lockdown was announced so that had to be cancelled. It absolutely kills my back to bathe, dry, brush and clip him but the poor fella can’t see out of his monstrous Schnauzer eyebrows and is sitting panting in our lounge in 22C of centrally heated air, so something needs to be done.
Sorry for the downbeat post – I’m afraid if you’re looking for furry kittens, sing alongs and Thai Chi you’ll need to read elsewhere. If, however, like me you’re currently struggling I hear you! Love to all x