Category Archives: Endometriosis Adenomyosis

Challenging misconceptions

I’ve heard just about every insult and misconception imaginable in respect of my illnesses over the last two decades.  From my biological dad’s “there are people in the world worse off than you, pull yourself together” comment when I’d been told I was critically ill with M.E. and might not make it through the night, to the common “M.E…..hmmm, isn’t that where you feel tired a lot?” (if only!) to the “have you not tried some painkillers?” in respect of my EDS (bugger, why didn’t I think of that?!).  Trust me when I say these remarks still rankle even if you ignore the fact that people you barely know feel they have a right to question you about your private life, make judgements about your situation or give medical advice when they have zero qualifications and know nothing about the diseases from which you suffer.

I do now take every opportunity, however, to set the record straight.  I’ve given up my right to privacy to discuss with total strangers how my body fails me and the repercussions this has on my daily life.  I admit to using shock tactics “yeah, I went to bed last night and woke up with a dislocated jaw” alongside graphic details of my bowel habits or how often I vomit, which usually shuts them up but at least they slink off having learned something, even if that something is to mind their own sodding business 😉

I was at my Camera Club last week.  My back was screaming and as I apologised to the lady sitting next to me for squirming in my seat she said “is there nothing they can do?” which was my cue to explain that EDS is a genetic disease and there is no cure.  “What about pain relief?” was her next question, which then gave me the opportunity to discuss mast cell disease and my allergies to all things chemical.  The poor women probably wished she’d never asked, but having done so at least she came away from the conversation with a smidgen of information about my illnesses and empathy for my situation.

On a completely different topic, my lovely dog walker this morning was telling me about a friend of her daughter’s who hasn’t been round for a while because she’s “not well”.  I asked what was wrong and my friend said “she’s fatigued, has joint pain, is sleeping a lot and generally feels unwell which, let’s face it, is called being a teenager!   All the blood tests she’s had done have come back negative so there can’t be much wrong with her” which was my cue to tell her that M.E. is the biggest cause of long-term absence in school children and the problem with diagnosis is that there isn’t a simple test which can confirm it.  My friend had no idea children were affected by M.E. and you could tell felt very sheepish that maybe there actually was something wrong with this teenager and she wasn’t just being dramatic.

People are naturally curious about difference.  If they see someone using crutches they’ll often ask “what happened?” expecting you to say you’ve broken your leg so they can sympathise, then are mortified to learn you have a lifelong disease.  If it’s a genuine question I’ll try to put them at their ease while at the same time explaining in a couple of sentences that I was born with a genetic disease called Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome which affects my collagen, which means I can have lots of joint injuries.  They’re then usually embarrassed as all hell for asking but they’ve still learned something and that’s my goal.

Of course, not everyone is asking out of kindly curiosity.  Some people are dismissive, rude and downright nasty.  A young lad shouted out “lazy bitch!” through a car window at me a couple of years ago as he drove past me on my mobility scooter walking my dog.  I’ve often been told to “get more sleep”, “exercise more”, “find the love of a good man” or “have a tipple” (if only!) and my stock retort has become “sadly I don’t think a glass of wine or an extra twenty winks is going to cure my crippling genetic disease” at which point they usually have the decency to blush.  And if they’re being really rude my retort is “I was born this way.  Were you born a rude, ignorant twat lacking in social skills or have you had to work at it?” 😀

On the whole, though, most people don’t realize they’re being insensitive when asking questions about my health and/or lifestyle.  When I was at my Camera club committee meeting recently we were discussing who should answer queries made via the Website.  As webmaster I assumed it would be me, but the Treasurer said in a pitying voice “but what about when you’re ill?” which really put my back up.  For a start I’m ill every fucking day of my life and for seconds if I couldn’t do the job I wouldn’t have volunteered for it.  I’m sure she thought she was being considerate but honestly it just felt patronising and like I was being singled out as inadequate.  If I need help I’m a grown woman perfectly capable of asking for it but until I do it feels rude for someone to make assumptions about my abilities.

I’ve made a conscious decision to stop being embarrassed about being sick and to stand up for myself.  I wrote a Facebook post about endometriosis recently, admitting that it hurts to pee and poop in front of 100 people many of whom are male and acquaintances rather than proper friends.  But, y’know, more than half the population bleed from their vaginas every month and I’m sick to death of acting like it doesn’t happen or like it’s some kind of shameful secret.  It’s as normal as eating and breathing and it’s about time women owned it.

I’ve done nothing to cause the situation with my health yet often in the past I’ve been made to feel by society that I’m somehow culpable.  Bad.  Weak.  Less than.  That I should be ashamed of not being healthy and am a burden, a drain on the nation’s resources.  I’m none of those things.  In fact I know non-sick people who receive more health care than me (pregnant women/new mothers for example) and I’d love to see how some of those who look down on me would fare living alone for over two decades floored by illness, lacking in resources, help and care, battling the medical profession at every turn, taking on a rescue dog and then looking after two sick, elderly parents.  I’d wager I’m more resilient, resourceful, hard working, determined and stronger than most of the healthy people I know.   And let’s not forget that despite my struggles, limitations and shitty health I’m one of the most talented photographers to attend my Camera Club in its 30 year history – stick that in your pipe and smoke it 😀

There is a strong perception that the chronically ill are weak, vulnerable, needy souls who have nothing much to offer.  The truth is my chronically ill friends are the strongest, most selfless, determined, creative, talented people I’ve ever had the priviledge to know.  Be proud.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Peri-menopause penultimate phase

I have become a bit obsessed with my waning hormones so apologies if I’m boring you all rigid but to actively watch your body transition into the unknown is both scary and fascinating.  I think I’ve reached a milestone this month, which I thought I’d be doing cartwheels about, but it hasn’t turned out quite as expected and now rather than being joyful I am sodding terrified.

I’ve skipped my first period, which means it’s the beginning of the end and I am probably in the final twelve months of peri-menopause.  I thought I’d be jumping for joy as I’ve been wanting my horrendously painful endometriosis and adenomyosis filled periods to end since my teens but instead I am flamin’ miserable.  I started with the usual period pain, backache, painful boobs, insomnia and exhaustion on about day 22 of my cycle and after five days of symptoms was more than ready for my period to start so that they’d bugger off, but I am still waiting.   I am now on day 40 of my cycle with no sign of bleeding, but the burning, stinging period/pelvic pain is intense, my breasts are killing me and my back pain so bad I have barely slept for a week now.  WT-actual-Fuck?!!

I’ve read that it’s very common for women to experience period pain but have no bleed while they transition into Menopause, but most say that after a week or so the pain just disappears – sort of like having a phantom period.  But mine is not only not going anywhere it’s getting worse by the day 😦  Surely to God I don’t have to put up with this agony for a whole month until I go through another cycle, or even more terrifying the symptoms won’t stay around forever?!

I feel hugely cheated.  I have looked forward to skipping my first period and knowing that finally, finally my monthly torture is coming to an end, but no.  My body, traitor that it is, has once again made the situation worse not better.  I could weep with the injustice.  Have I not suffered enough?

The only good news is that emotionally I am fine, if understandably fed up.  No sign of PMS (not that I’ve ever suffered much with that anyway thankfully) and no migraines.  I so far also seem to have by-passed a symptom suffered by the vast majority of women in peri-menopause – hot flushes.  I had one back in 2012 sat in a cafe, during which I stripped down to my t-shirt even though it was the middle of January and snowing outside, but other than that nada.  I’ve had night sweats leading up my period for years, but nothing so drastic they’ve kep me awake at night or forced me to change the sheets or anything, for which I am grateful.  I do know, though, that the situation would have been vastly different if I were still eating a diet high in histamines.  I used to flush after every meal and am convinced that if my diet had remained the same hot flushes would have been the order of the day.  So I guess that’s a silver lining, though to be honest I would have preferred the hot flushes over the excruciating ramp up in pelvic and back pain any day of the week.

So I shall see what develops.  The only other time a woman’s body goes through this sort of monumental change is during pregnancy, but at least you kind’ve know what to expect with that.  There are a million books on the subject and each woman’s experience is broadly similar.  Not so with the Menopause where the most advice you get is “every woman is different” which is no sodding use whatsoever and you’re basically just left to white-knuckle it, doubly so if you already have other health problems.  I have absolutely no idea how all this is going to affect my M.E., MCAD or hEDS and even though I thought knew how it was going to pan out with my endo and adeno it turns out I was clueless.  I did find a few books on peri-menopause on Amazon, one of which was written by a man (a man!) which is like the blind talking about sight, while others were written by women who haven’t gone through the menopause themselves which is akin to a childless woman writing about giving birth.

It may be that I am not going to actually skip my period this month it is just monumentally late, in which case it needs to hurry the hell up and put me out of my misery.  I don’t know and it’s not like anyone else knows either.  Watch this space, or look away now, I wish I could!

Anaemia update

Last Christmas I realized I was feeling ropey and had been feeling extra rubbish for quite some time.  I was dizzy, constantly.  I could be sitting watching TV and all of a sudden the room would lurch to the left and back again, and there were days when every time I moved my head the world tilted on its axis.  I could sleep for 8 hours straight which is unheard of for me and two hours later need to go back to sleep (I’ve never slept during the day no matter how ill I’ve ever been not least because ME has given me horrific insomnia).  My brain was so fuzzy I literally couldn’t form cohesive thoughts and I had exhaustion so profound some days I couldn’t get off the couch.

Of course, all of these are symptoms of my pre-existing conditions but this felt totally different to my normal rubbish-ness and I knew I wasn’t having an M.E. relapse or a mast cell or EDS flare.  No, something else was going on and I instinctively knew it was related to my iron levels particularly as when I had my period I was absolutely poleaxed.

As outlined in my first post on Anaemia back in February I have several risk factors for iron deficiency and, coupled with my peri-menopause and worsening endometriosis, I knew I needed to get my ferritin levels checked.  They unsurprisingly came back at 17 which according to the lab results was right on the bottom rung of ‘normal’ (17-291), though realistically in order to feel well you should have a ferritin level of at least 50 and preferably above 90.  My vitamin D was also considered sub-clinically low, ie outside the normal range.  My GP dismissed anaemia though because my red blood count was fine and basically just fobbed me off, however she wasn’t the one feeling so crap she couldn’t function so I started on some over-the-counter supplements.

My mast cells seem to hate tablets of all descriptions, so my options are limited to liquids and syrups which are few and far between.  In addition, many of the liquid iron preparations such as Floradix contained all sorts of ingredients I didn’t want or need such as apples (to which I’m mildly truly allergic), spinach, nettles and CoQ10.  So I opted for the ‘Get More Vitamin D mango & passionfruit‘ drink and ‘Spatone‘ natural iron water both of which I could have delivered with my groceries from Tesco.

I have about 200ml of the Vitamin D drink each day, which tastes OK but not brilliant, and gives me 80% of the recommended daily allowance of Vitamin D.  According to my GP, the lab won’t re-test Vitamin D for 12 months so I’ve no idea whether or not my levels have improved after nearly 10 months of supplementation.

Spatone is a sachet of naturally iron rich water which I take mixed in pear juice (the vitamin C aids absorption of the iron and disguises the awful metallic taste).  Iron supplements are, however, notorious for causing nausea, reflux, constipation or diarrhoea and I must admit after 4 days on Spatone I felt sick 24/7 and had awful colic-like stomach pain.  So I had a break for a week, then re-started the sachets but just taking a teaspoon per day and gradually working up to a full sachet.  This worked fine and I had no side-effects whatsoever 🙂

Within a week of starting Spatone my dizziness almost disappeared and I did feel a bit less tired which was great, but unfortunately for me the effects haven’t lasted.  By September I was starting to feel battered by exhaustion again, wanted to sleep for England, was as white as a sheet and feeling constantly dizzy.  In addition I seem to have developed tinnitus, which is a constant low level high pitched ringing hiss in my ears, and I’ve noticed a change in my toe nails (but not my finger nails!).  One of my toe nails has split and despite the nail continuing to grow it just keeps splitting in the same place, while the other nails have started to flatten at the ends.  Spoon shaped nails are a sign of anaemia, but when you Google images you only see horrendous photos at the severe end of the spectrum which bear no resemblance to my mildly flattened nails.  So here’s a couple of pictures of what’s happening for me:


I doubled my dose of Spatone but it didn’t help.  In fact, my symptoms continued to get worse so I rang my GP again, who tried to fob me off by saying that as I already have ME the peri-menopause is going to knock me about, but I tried calmly to explain that I know what ME feels like and this is completely different.  I insisted I wanted my bloods done again, in particular my ferritin and thyroid, although I’m sure my thyroid is fine as I’m not cold and have had no weight loss or gain issues other than that expected of going through The Change.  The first appointment for a blood draw I could get isn’t until 7th December (!), then of course it has to be sent to the lab, analysed and the results sent back to my GP by which time it will be sodding Christmas and everything will grind to a halt until January when it will be so busy getting another appointment with my GP to discuss the results will be impossible.  So I’m now trying to find a different liquid iron supplement to take but am so far struggling.  The thought of feeling this awful for at least the next several weeks, and in particular over Christmas, is pretty depressing.

When you have a chronic disease doctors do tend to put every single symptom you have down to that and it’s often a fight to get them to investigate new symptoms.  But investigate them you must, because it’s been my experience that all the new symptoms I’ve developed over the years have been down to hitherto unknown diseases and were nothing to do with my pre-existing M.E.  In particular, trying to get my chronic pain recognized was a mare because all the doctors I saw simply put it down to part of parcel of M.E. or tried to diagnose me with Fibromyalgia when I knew it was something else, which of course turned out to be Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome.  Then my stomach issues were put down to my EDS, when they turned out to be Mast Cell Disease.  And now my rubbish-ness is being put down to the peri-menopause or my M.E. when it’s going to turn out to be anaemia or at the least iron deficiency.

It’s so hard to fight the medical profession for treatment when you are this exhausted and there are days I feel like putting up and shutting up, but unfortunately that’s not an option when I am so floored I can barely get through the day.  So I shall keep on plugging away until I find out what’s actually going on and come up with a solution.

 

 

 

 

Weekly roundup

My stay-cation was a total disaster.  There was simply so much going on with my parents, the housing development, my Camera Club and various other stuff that I literally had 2 relaxing days during the whole fortnight, so I extended my holiday for another week only to spend the entire time in bed with horrendous period/endo/menopause symptoms which one night ended with me bawling my eyes out and thinking I can’t take it any more.  I’ve gone through a lot with my illnesses, so for me to say I don’t think I cope with these symptoms for another day shows how bad they were.  My period is now thankfully over for another month, but it’s made my ME bad and I’m fluey, weak, nauseous, fuddled, have a sore throat and legs like lead.  Yay.

On Friday, my 90 year old neighbour who can barely walk, has a recently broken arm which hasn’t set properly so is wonky and weak, a raging skin disease which leads to open sores, and terminal lung cancer was sent home from Hospital.  Knowing she was returning I did actually write to the Hospital and explain she has an infestation of both mice and cockroaches in her kitchen and the downstairs room she is now sleeping in but they sent her home anyway.  Who the hell in the 21st Century does that?!  She is having Carers come in for 15 minutes four times a day to help her dress and prepare meals (what can you realistically get done in 15 sodding minutes?!) and the Carers have been informed of the vermin and insects.  The Carer on the first day said to me “oh we had mice as kids, they didn’t do us any harm”.   My reply was “people lived in ways 50 years ago that we now realize maybe weren’t all that healthy plus you didn’t have cancer.”  FFS.

I have my Mum back.  The Mum I grew up with.  She rings me up just to tell me little snippets of news and we have proper conversations when I visit.  That’s because she hasn’t been drinking since she came out of hospital because she can’t  leave the house to get alcohol.  She hasn’t been sober for 7 years and I can’t tell you how lovely it is to not have to deal her drinking.  I’ve missed her and the close relationship we’ve always had.

I had to make an emergency appointment at the GPs for my Dad last week after his leg gave way beneath him.  He’s been having leg pain and weakness for a couple of months now which, considering he still walks 6 miles up the fells every week and is physically as fit as a Mallee Bull, is unusual.  The Doctor thinks it might be spinal, eg stenosis, so is sending him for an MRI scan.  The last sodding thing I need is for my Dad to have mobility issues on top of my Mum’s paralysis 😦  He’s also had his 6 monthly check-up at the Memory Clinic and although his scores are still relatively good he has gone down in a couple of areas, so he’s now seeing the Consultant for an assessment.  I’ve definitely noticed a deterioration in him this year and he regularly now mutters to himself under his breath, needs prompting more to remember things and help with meals.

To end on a more upbeat note, I had a lovely (if tiring) day yesterday.  Each year my Camera Club has a competition with 6 other Camera Clubs in our area, culminating in judging and a buffet, and this year we were hosting the event.  84 images were entered and I’m delighted to say I won joint 2nd place with the image below 🙂

After watching a trailer for a film set in medieval days, I also had an idea to photograph myself in the woods dressed like a maiden (don’t ask LOL!).  So I bought a cheap frock and wig off Ebay and toddled myself off.  I chose 10.30am on a week day thinking that I wouldn’t be seen by anyone but no such luck.  A dog walker went past with his Labrador and came back for a second glance as he obviously thought he was hallucinating, and the land owner himself came to ask what I was up to as he was worried I was going to commit suicide or something 😀  Considering I had to get myself in position in front of the camera and click the shutter by remote control, then get up and go and check each image before starting the whole process over again (which isn’t ideal), one of the images came out OK and I have to admit the whole long dress and blonde flowing locks thing was surprisingly nice (deep down maybe I’m more girlie than I like to admit!). Maidens aren’t supposed to be 50 though, so I admit to smoothing out a few of my wrinkles in Photoshop in the hopes of making myself look 30 years younger 😉

This week it’s back to the grind stone, not that I ever really left the grind stone alone, although first I have to endure the noise and choking pollution of Bonfire Night.  I always think if it’s not raining I’ll go and take some photos of the fireworks, but when 6pm arrives and I’m knackered and in my warm, snuggly bed it’s all too much effort, so I’ll give Bertie a reassuring cuddle, stick my earplugs in and watch the whizzs and bangs from my window instead.

 

 

Weekly roundup

The first half of the week was dominated by The Curse.  My endo pain was excruciating, I couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep, had a 3 day migraine and felt bloody awful.  Despite all that, Tuesday night I’d committed to help out at the beginner’s photography class but as I sat there my entire body was tingling and I felt scarily light-headed.  My iron levels, I’m sure, are low again due to me not eating as well as I could with everything that’s gone on with my Mum in the past couple of months.  So on Weds I decided to take 2 sachets of Spatone iron water instead of the usual 1 and within 24 hours I did feel much better 🙂

While I was at the photography class my friend noticed one of the rear tail lights wasn’t working on my car, so on Friday I had to go to Halfords to get it replaced, which cost me £20!   For 2 tiddly little bulbs – daylight bloody robbery.

My parents live in a first floor apartment.   They have an intercom on their front door so that they can see and speak to anyone who arrives at the house, then can open the door remotely with a wireless fob.   Only the day my Mum arrived out of hospital the bloody intercom stopped working *sigh*.  What was needed was a new system, because the handset for the intercom was in the hall and my Mum can now barely get out of her chair so she really needs a handset next to her in the lounge.  No problem, you can get wireless systems these days that I could fit myself…………..which worked everywhere in the house except where my Mum sits in the lounge which was a black hole of interference.  FFS.  I had to send the first one I tried back, and the second one I tried back, so this aft I’m picking up a third one which guarantees to be interference free.  Please God can this one just bloody work?

My Dad takes the fob to open the door with him when he goes out, as he now sometimes struggles to remember the numbers for the doorpad.   This, of course, leaves my Mum with no way of opening the front door if she’s in the house on her own.  No problem,  I thought, I’ll just get a second fob from Yale.  I then spent an hour trying to pair it to the front door without success.  I spent 25 minutes on hold trying to get through to the Yale helpdesk, only to be told they couldn’t help me and I needed to speak to the technical team……who were busy.  A ticket was raised and after I explained it was for my disabled Mother they said they’d get back to me urgently.  A week passed and I heard nothing.  I then shamed them on Facebook and 3 people rang me in the space of an hour!  Apparently since we got our door several years ago the wireless receiver for the fob has changed, so they sent out a new receiver.  Which still didn’t work with the new fob.  I then spent another hour on the phone to Yale who told me to reset everything.  Only then the door wouldn’t work at all.  You couldn’t get in or out and it didn’t lock.  The customer service chap then gave up, said he hadn’t a clue how to fix it and left me to it, saying he’d ring me back on Monday with a solution, leaving my disabled, vulnerable and elderly parents all weekend with a front door which wouldn’t lock or open!!!  I worked out that the reason nothing worked is that we’d faffed on for so long the batteries had died and all was well after new ones were put in (how come I could figure this out and the technical chap from Yale couldn’t?!), but I’m still none the wiser on how to get a 2nd fob to work with the old lock.

Why does every goddamn thing end up being so stressful and exhausting?!  The reviews for the wireless intercom on Amazon were excellent – everyone else just plugged it in and it worked perfectly.  Not for me though, oh no, that would be far too easy :-/  Y’know, when the people around me helpfully suggest I “get more help” in dealing with my parents who the fuck do they think I’m going to employ to do stuff like this?  Or to trail into town because my Mum needs new slippers, only her feet are swollen so she doesn’t know if she needs a size 4 or a size 5, so I have to buy both, take them home, try them on her, then go back into town to return the pair that didn’t fit.  Or the fact that my Dad can’t even cope with deleting photos off his camera so that he can take the memory stick up to the Kodak shop to get printed off, so needed me to help.  Or the decorators who promised to paint my parents’ hall and stairs by the end of September but haven’t yet turned up and needed chasing.  They’re now coming on Weds this week, so muggings here has to go today and take all the pictures down, the shelf off the wall above the radiator and my Mum wants rid of the old Intercom and wires which involves me crawling about in the loft and just hoping I don’t get electrocuted.  I do wish the do-gooders, who have absolutely no clue what’s involved in looking after elderly parents, would shut the fuck up about me needing more help like it’s an achievable solution when it’s nothing of the kind.

Lovely people keep buying me stuff for birthdays and Christmas, only I’m not a ‘stuff’ kind’ve girl and have zero need for most of it.  So I now have several boxes of irrelevant, but brand new and beautiful, shite sitting in the corner of my bedroom.  I had planned on doing a couple of car boots in the summer to get rid,  only a combination of the weather, my own health and my Mum’s health put the kibosh on it.  However there was a table top sale in the next village on Saturday so I loaded up the car, unloaded it the other end, reloaded it 4 hours later and carried it all back into my bedroom, making a lousy £19 in the process.  This morning I’ve woken up with my back, elbows, wrists and knees on fire from all the lifting and I’m not entirely sure the pain is worth the piddling amount of cash I raised 😉

Apologies for such a grumpy roundup, but the truth is I feel grumpy (I think I’m still hormonal).  And tired.  And a bit fed up.  This week I’ve had zero time for myself or to do anything fun and I’m a girl who needs a bit of fun to keep my disposition happy.  I promise to try harder this week 🙂

 

Weekly roundup

Whoooooooo.  This is the sound of me exhaling, something I haven’t done for a good 2 months.  Finally I’ve been able to have a couple of days at home and actually slob about in my jim jams, well until it’s time to take the furry child out for his afternoon jollies when it’s advisable to put some clothes on – I’d be a Smorgasboard for mozzies, ticks and midges if I sauntered through the woods half naked.

Physically my Mum is coping OK, but it’s her behaviour which is astounding me.  She is no longer drunk and we are having actual conversations in which she is lucid, rational and just plain normal.  And she’s now ringing me too, which she hasn’t done for 4 years as she was too busy getting legless.  I don’t have to think about what time of day it is, because I can speak to her at 7pm at night and she’s just the same as she was at 10am.  When she was drinking she was so smashed she made no sense by evening.  On a purely selfish level it’s wonderful.

But more than that she’s really calm.  My Mum’s always been a feisty person and while she’s been drinking she’s been a mare.  She constantly got frustrated and irritated, particularly with my Dad, and was a real bully at times.  But since coming out of hospital she is weirdly chilled.  She is not snappy and constantly losing her cool, which means visiting isn’t the stressful experience it used to be.

I arranged for her GP to come and check her over and had a quiet word with her about the situation.  My fear is that now Mum is out of hospital, she is not being fussed over by the nurses, she doesn’t have the other patients to chat to, she’s not drinking and is discovering the full extend of her physical limitations and isolation that she will nose dive into severe depression.  She drank because she was unhappy and lonely and that hasn’t gone anywhere.  So the GP is coming back this week to monitor her mental health.  I’m not buying this new, zen persona for a second, though I’m enjoying it while it’s on offer.

My hormones have been rampant this week and I had a very painful ovulation.  My egg release is getting more and more excruciating, I’m assuming because of all the endo-related adhesions on my ovaries,  and for a couple of days I literally couldn’t stand up straight.  I also had a niggly migraine for 4 days which kind’ve spoiled my R&R and my emotions were up and down like a bride’s nightie – one minute tearful, the next wanting to tear someone’s head off.  S’not nice.

Wednesday night was my Camera Club and months ago I’d been roped into doing a demonstration on Photoshop.  I woke that morning with a migraine which got worse as the day progressed, but thankfully it wasn’t bad enough to stop me driving so I soldiered on.  All was fine until mid-way through the workshop when my brain suddenly felt like it had become loose and had gone crashing into the side of my skull.  I seriously thought I was having a stroke.  For a few minutes all thought processes ceased and I literally couldn’t speak, which was proper scary.  Although it settled down, for the next half an hour trying to get my thoughts and words together was tricky and my blood sugar plummeted until my hands were shaking.  These weird vertigo-like episodes are becoming more frequent and I’m not sure if it’s to do with the peri-menopause or is linked to my migraine (I’m thinking more hormones because they often happen without a headache).  I do wish they’d jog on cos they’re starting to freak me out.

Being as though I had a few hours to myself this week I was able to take some photos, which I haven’t had time for in ages.  We have a competition coming up with the theme of ‘Water’, so I decided to try and photograph ‘rain’ which involved being outside in the dark in a flimsy dress and standing under a freezing cold hosepipe when it was only 10C outside.   I won’t be doing that again in a hurry 😉


I also thought I’d try some hi-key photos with the last of the summer flowers from my garden.  These were much more pleasant to do, if a bit of a faff.


On balance it’s not been a bad week all things considered, though my mast cells are certainly on high alert from all the stress and over-exertion of the past few weeks.  I am seriously not sleeping, have nightly anxiety nightmares which leave me drenched in sweat and am getting up in the night for a pee, a sure sign my histamine is rampant.  My back and joints are also painful, which is probably a combination of my hormones, mast cells and the autumnal weather, and my appetite has gone through the roof (definitely menopause related!).  On the plus side I’m starting to feel more like a human being than road kill and at least have clean socks and undies now I’ve had chance to do some laundry 🙂

 

 

 

 

Weekly roundup

This week has been dominated by my hormones so I’m guessing my period will arrive shortly.  My cycles can be anything from 19 days to 31 days so I can no longer just look at my diary to know when it’s due and have to go off other clues.  Tuesday morning I woke up fine, got up and fed Bertie, made a brew and took it back to bed to watch the news.  I’m sitting there minding my own business when the world suddenly lurches to the right like I’ve been kicked in the head and I spend the next hour with the room spinning.  I hate shit like that!

I panicked a bit, because that night I’d agreed to do a talk to my Camera Club’s beginner’s class which I knew I couldn’t do if I were dizzy, but luckily it wore off and I was able to go although I felt spaced out for most of the day.

Wednesday was the first warm, sunny day we’d had in weeks so my friend and I decided to visit a nature reserve where she looked at plants (she’s doing a botany course) and I sat and photographed dragonflies.  We were the only people there the entire afternoon.  The birds were singing, the insects were buzzing, we took a picnic………..and it was heavenly.  I swear, days don’t get much better than that in my world and it did me the power of good even if I did get sunburnt.
My friend: do you want some suntan lotion for your arms?
Me: No thanks, my arms never go red.  #lookinglikealorrydriver

Friday I woke with a migraine which is still lingering this morning.  I had a really busy day planned and just carried on regardless, which was hard work when it felt like there was someone in my brain with a pick axe, and I was so sick Friday night I couldn’t eat a thing.

This morning I’ve woken with endo-related period pain, the dizziness is back and I feel generally fluey and crap.  I am SO over this peri-menopause malarkey.  It’s not like I’m having a horrendous time compared to the horror stories I’ve read about online, but it’s been 5 years of symptoms now and I’ve just had enough.  I’m over the hormone induced migraines.  The feeling extra exhausted.  The joint pain.  The forgetfulness and confusion.  The nausea.   The nipple pain which feels like I’ve been stung by bees.  The swollen stomach which makes me look pregnant.  The ravenous appetite which has made me gain 8lbs in six months.  The never-ending peeing.  The constantly swollen breasts that feel like bowling balls.  And I’m absolutely over the endometriosis, which I know won’t go away after Menopause but which at least won’t ramp up every 3-4 weeks until I feel like my entire pelvis is on fire.  I’m 50 shortly and after 5 years of declining hormones surely to God the end can’t be too far off.  Can it?!