Say What?!

I’m getting frustrated at the reaction of many of the people I know when I tell them I can’t have the vaccine. Note the word CAN’T. I am absolutely not saying I DON’T WANT the vaccine. I’d sell a kidney to be able to have the vaccine, despite the fact that recent research has shown it is only between 4% and 30% effective at reducing infection from Covid, so theoretically you could still catch Covid and although it won’t kill you it could have a devastating impact on pre-existing conditions like M.E. or MCAS (but that’s a conversation for another day!).

The response I’m getting is that there must be a way around the issue. “Have I spoken to my Consultant and what do they say?” (er, and what consultant would that be? I haven’t seen a consultant in nearly a decade). “What exactly would happen if I had the vaccine?” (I don’t know do I, because I don’t have a crystal fucking ball). They are not LISTENING to me when I say that the last vaccine I had gave me meningitis, nearly killed me and put me in bed for a decade. I am not risking that again, pandemic or no pandemic. I have anaphylaxis to Camomile tea and have spent 9 months in bed after catching a cold – my reaction to a jab which stimulates my immune system beyond all reason is anyone’s guess.

I know lots of people with my triad of conditions have had the vaccine without repercussion. But did these people have a catastrophic reaction to a previous vaccine? Because if they didn’t we are not in the same boat. The same storm, but NOT the same boat.

When did we lose the ability to listen to each other? To just accept what the other person is saying without questioning it or trying to fix it? If my situation could be fixed I would have fucking done it by now. I have not been sick and largely housebound for 27 years for the fun of it. I don’t have allergic reactions to virtually every drug I put in my mouth just to be awkward. I don’t know what’s so hard about accepting that my immune system does not function in the same way as most other people’s.

We seem to have a huge problem accepting that everyone has a different experience of the world. There is almost an inference that I am deliberately making my life harder than it needs to be. I’d love some of my friends and relatives to actually spend 24 hours in my shoes and then they’d know just how difficult my life is, how every single day is spent in fear of having a mast cell reaction and just how little I speak/moan about it!

I just want to be heard without being interrogated. Without someone trying to ‘fix’ me, because if my health problems were fixable I am not stupid and I would have FUCKING FIXED THEM MYSELF. It is beyond arrogant to assume that after a 2 minute conversation with someone that you know more about their life and their issues than they do!

We just need to listen more. Properly listen.

7 thoughts on “Say What?!

  1. sarah002685

    I can’t imagine how you feel. I know I was frightened of getting Covid as my steroids have suppressed my immune system
    I have had the Pfizer vaccine and was fortunate that it hasn’t caused any issues especially with fatigue
    If I had the reaction to a vaccine like you did, I would think twice about getting the vaccine. I can’t imagine the fear you have and tbh, I’m confused people don’t get that. It’s not like you’re just being dismissive for dismissive’s sake now is it 🙄🤷🏼‍♀️
    Take Care x

    Liked by 1 person

  2. helenfizz

    Look into ‘Antibody Dependent Enhancement’, which despite what the authorities say has NOT been ruled out as a possible side effect of these vaccines, (they won’t know until the clinical trials complete – which is not until 2023), and HAS been shown as having occurred in an independent animal experiment, (I’ve seen the paper), and maybe be, like me, a bit more relieved than sad that you can’t have the vaccine.

    The scientists and medics who are trying to make their voices heard with WHO etc about this risk are just being ignored, but god help us all if ADE does occur in even 5% of the vaccinated – it will make this pandemic look like the warm up act.

    Ref: Dr Geert Vanden Bossche


    1. Jak Post author

      Hi Helen

      I can understand your worry re ADE. I don’t think it’s being ignored, just that there is no evidence at the moment that it is an issue and the benefits of vaccination far outweigh the accepted risk of ADE. ADE isn’t vaccination specific and can occur naturally in viral infections.

      There is a very balanced view of the situation in this blog post which might provide some reassurance


  3. Juana Perez

    Hugs, i completely get you and it hurts more when it comes from family or close friends…hang in there. I just got my Pfizer days ago, premedicated with antihistamines, etc…we know the drill. And i am still struggling but praying it was right decision….kinda had no choice because of my bountiful upcoming dr appts which i get judged for at times also. Mindfulness has been helping me alot but I’ve slowly isolated myself from the majority of people, too sensitive to chemicals etc… i feel your pain and frustration. Hope things get better


    1. Jak Post author

      Thanks for the understanding Juana and for taking the time to comment. I hope you’re feeling a bit better now following your jab. Jak x



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