Covid-19: feeling emotional

I don’t know about you, but I’m very emotional atm. I don’t feel any more isolated than usual, but I am worried about my parents and I’m praying that all the people I care about come out of the pandemic unscathed.

It hasn’t helped that my period has chosen this week to arrive after 51 days with no show (I swear I’m going to be the only woman in history who doesn’t go through the menopause), or that I’m not sleeping due to my leg and hip pain, or that I’m not eating because any kind of emotional upset affects my appetite.

Today I am feeling very MEish.  My body feels poisoned, my limbs like lead, my brain muddled and my concentration sadly lacking.  I feel sick, I hurt everywhere, my throat is sore and I am beyond exhausted with everything I’ve had to deal with lately.

My elderly neighbours are both tetchy and not their usual selves.  Ditto my parents and some of my friends.

Having neighbours who have taken it upon themselves to police the village and its inhabitants, and being shouted at by a total stranger for doing nothing wrong yesterday, hasn’t helped.  I feel really weepy and overwhelmed.  When you live alone and have no physical contact with anyone, no-one to make you laugh or give you a reassuring hug, it makes crisis situations harder to deal with.

I know I’m not alone in feeling this way.

Usually, I would go on my computer, or in the garden, or do some photography to distract myself but I actually feel too unwell for any of that today.  So I lie here, alone, and try not to cry.  But I’m fighting a losing battle.  I was struggling with feeling down before the Pandemic even began and for the first time in many years I simply can’t pick myself back up again.  Life seems too hard to cope with at present.

Tonight, I have to try and stay awake until 11pm to book my next Tesco delivery slot.  I’m shopping not only for myself, but my parents, my disabled elderly friend, my elderly neighbours and another elderly couple.  It’s a huge responsibility and I don’t know if I’ll manage it as I can’t keep my eyes open past 9pm :-/  I was awake at 4am this morning and went online and all the slots had gone.  Again.   I don’t know how anyone is managing to book a delivery, as the website crashes every night as soon as the slots become available.

I know the emotions I’m currently experiencing will pass in time.  I’ll feel stronger tomorrow maybe, or next week.  I’ll get my sense of humour back and not be on the verge of tears every second of the day.  I hope it happens soon.

8 thoughts on “Covid-19: feeling emotional

  1. init72

    https://covidmutualaid.org/
    Hiya – I took a look on Help the Aged’s website and they have this link which might be of some use for you, your parents, your neighbours etc – to take some of the strain off yourself.

    My Mum is 87 and alone on the other side of London, my partner has spent almost 3 weeks recovering from Covid-19 so I have had to keep away from him as I suffer from Pneumonia with my EDS & ME etc, and the Daughter is now off school at home too and also gets many colds & viruses (she too showing signs of EDS), my sister & Bro-in-law are also battling Covid-19 – one with severe asthma and now in ICU the other left alone at home…

    No family can get to any of us but we are using video apps to chat and keep spirits up and support and I have used the local aid service to get shopping for Mum so I would advise you try this if you can and give yourself a chance to rest as you know you are no good to anyone with an ME flare xxx Sending you spoons x

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    1. Jak Post author

      OMG you are having an AWFUL time of it 😦 The worry and strain for all of you must be enormous. I’m glad you are still able to support each other and have been able to get some help for your Mum.

      Thanks for the link – I’ll take a look when my brain isn’t feeling so bashed.

      Sending big hugs to you all. Jak x

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  2. Karen, The Walking Allergy

    Life doesn’t get more stressful than this. You are supporting four elderly people and a person with multiple chronic conditions. Someone who is healthy would find that a huge burden to carry. But you’re one of the people you’re trying to support. You can do it, but not for long, before you compromise your health.
    I’ve had similar problems here with groceries- all those great ways to get stuff delivered have just blown up. Call the local store, tell them your predicament. It’s far more useful to sort this out on a personal level. Local volunteers are doing grocery shopping for local seniors- but it’s very piecemeal. Perhaps someone could doing the shopping and you could pick them up? You are the person who NEEDS that help- it’s okay to ask for it. (Says the woman who loathes asking for help). Just remember that if you collapse, so do the others- you have to not overdo it and end up with COVID or pneumonia.

    Hang in there!
    Karen

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    1. Jak Post author

      Thanks Lovely. I have written to my local Tesco so will see if I hear back. I did also do them a big THANK YOU to put on their noticeboard which my driver took, as they’re doing a brilliant job. One of my drivers’ wives has M.S. so he’s stripping off at the door, sticking all his clothes in the washing machine, then showering before he can even enter his own home :-/ He’s doing well to still be going to work.

      Sorry to hear you’re having the same issue with groceries. I’m furious at the healthy people who have taken up delivery slots, leaving vulnerable people without!

      Really appreciate your concern for my wellbeing. You take good care too! Lots of love x

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