I feel I should write a post about the current situation with the Covid-19 virus, but if I’m totally honest I have no clue what to say. On the one hand, as I lie here in my bed watching the birds outside, life seems to be carrying on as usual. It’s only when my Tesco shopping arrives minus toilet roll, soap or milk that I realize things are far from normal. I feel like I’m living outside my body and watching the situation unfold from afar, a coping mechanism my brain decided on at the age of 7 when I came home from school one day to find suitcases lined up in the hall and my Mum telling me, without warning or preparation, we were leaving my entire life and family behind and moving 200 miles away. The only way my brain could even begin to cope with that was to shut down my emotions and just crack on, and on the whole that’s how I’ve dealt with crisis situations ever since.
Despite some aspects of life being totally alien, other aspects by necessity have to carry on as ‘normal’. Before all this started I was having a huge problem in my house, which I don’t want to talk about because I’m honestly on the verge of a nervous breakdown with the stress, and that still has to be sorted out though it’s proving difficult because the very specialist tradesman dealing with it has had to self isolate as he has an underlying lung condition.
I was already in a bad patch ME-wise due to all the stress involved in the house-move-that-never-was, so am at a super low ebb both physically and mentally. I watch all the healthy people on the telly having fun at home, reading books, doing exercise videos, and it is so far removed from my own situation it only adds to the isolation.
It’s been eye-opening seeing how my friends and family have dealt with events. Some are just doing their own thing, not thinking of anyone but themselves, not offering to help anyone and seemingly unconcerned for the welfare of their friends and family, while others are really stepping up to the plate. I had a text off my Niece last night, offering to shop for me, walk the dog or do anything else she could – this, despite the fact her Mum has breast cancer and is about to start chemotherapy, when she will be unable to see her AT ALL as my Niece is a teacher and still working with children attending school as their parents are key workers. I had my Tesco delivery on Thursday and there was no milk so my neighbour, who was going to the supermarket in town, got some for me and dropped it off and her eldest daughter who is now off school has offered to help walk Bertie if needed. While other people haven’t once picked the phone up to ask how I’m doing or offer much needed contact.
Despite feeling very unwell and going through one of the most stressful events of my life with my house, I’ve still tried to help other people. I got my elderly, disabled friend set up with online grocery shopping, so at least know he has food being delivered this week. Another elderly friend couldn’t get a slot for 3 weeks, so I’ve offered to do his shopping with mine and drop it off to his house. I’m also making sure I knock on my elderly next door neighbour’s door every day, and we have a chat shouting at each other from 6 feet away 😉
It’s tricky knowing whether or not to visit my parents. My Mum is in the worst at risk group, being 80 and having kidney, lung and heart disease. She is in lockdown. My Dad, who doesn’t have the health risk factors but is still at risk due to his age, is still walking each morning to the supermarket for his newspaper making sure to stay away from people and washing his hands on return. I barely see or come into contact with people on a normal week, let alone at the moment when I’m social distancing, so I’m aiming to spend Mothering Sunday with them as normal. We had planned to go out for lunch, but instead I am doing a picnic and we are going for a drive up the lakes.
Some companies are doing all they can to help the isolated and vulnerable, offering home deliveries for free, opening for an hour to let elderly customers shop etc, while others are being total fuck-wits. I sent for a jigsaw from Amazon for my Mum for Mother’s Day, to help her pass the time in isolation, but was out when Royal Mail delivered the item. For some bizarre reason Amazon had requested a signature, so instead of knocking on my neighbours’ doors (ALL of whom were home), the driver took the parcel back to the depot. I am now forced to make a 14 mile round trip into town, and to interact with staff dealing with the public when I feel really poorly and am trying to self isolate, to pick it up (I can’t have it redelivered until Monday, which is too late for Mothering Sunday). Why the fuck couldn’t the postie have knocked on any of my neighbours’ doors, taken 3 steps back, shouted to the occupant if they could leave the parcel with them, left it on the step for the neighbour to take in or in my neighbour’s shed or garage, and signed for it on their behalf? I could then simply have rung my neighbour and asked him to leave it on his step for me to pick up or collected it from his shed/garage. The day before, I’d had a parcel delivered by the courier firm Hermes and they managed to deliver my item with no contact whatsoever! The driver and I had a lovely conversation, with her stood by my front gate, me in the doorway and the parcel on the step – it’s do-able. I rang Royal Mail to complain, and they said “it’s not our policy to help people self isolate”. Are they fucking kidding me?! If I ever have the mental energy I’ll be making a formal complaint. I was going to write a little bit about the people who are bulk/panic buying, and how they should be fucking locked up, but my energy has totally conked
I hope you’re all coping OK and that you are being well looked after. Lots of love xx