Apologies for the fact there was no blog post this week. I sat down to write one on a couple of occasions and found I just didn’t have much to say. After 5 years of blogging twice a week sometimes I don’t have anything new to add that hasn’t already been said and this week felt like one of those times. I’m sure I’ll be back to my chatty self soon.
I’m feeling very emotional this morning. I had a lovely day yesterday, but it was a big day and whenever I’ve done too much and am over-tired my emotions take on a life of their own (called emotional lability). I woke up obsessing over something I said to a family member nearly 3 years ago and it’s making me feel sick to the pit of my stomach. My rational brain tells me to stop being bloody ridiculous, it’s done and over with and there’s nothing I can do about it now but my overly emotional emotions won’t give it up and I know I’m going to spend the day wanting to crawl out of my skin.
The reason I’m so tired is that I went through to the city yesterday and not only is the 60 mile round drive tiring I find all the hustle and bustle exhausting. I thought I’d do a bit of shopping for an hour but I wandered around like a lost puppy gazing at all the bright shiny things and felt totally overwhelmed. As a 51 year old with a saggy arse and ever-expanding waistline who lives in the middle of nowhere and has been largely housebound for a quarter of a century fashion means nothing to me. I gazed at all the boots with heels on like they were alien spacecraft (my back barely allows me to wear flat shoes let alone 2″ platforms ) and the clothes looked either uncomfortable or cold (why do men get to wear thick, fishermen rib, roll neck sweaters down to their butts and women have to wear see-through jumpers with 3/4 sleeves and scooped necklines which barely reach their waist-band in the middle of winter?!). The price of everything also made my eyes water and I just know I’m going to be one of those women who spend the rest of their natural days in leggings and fleeces from Matalan 😉 . At 5.30pm I’d arranged to meet my bestie for dinner and really enjoyed it. She was on great form and we had a lovely meal, followed by a show featuring Robin Ince from Radio 4.
I have a photo competition coming up with the theme of ‘town or city-scapes’. I am not a landscape photographer and despite the looming deadline had not got one picture to enter, so I took my camera with me and got some shots of the city at night on the way back to the car – they’re absolutely rubbish but I least I have something to enter.
Wednesday was also a big day for me as I’d agreed to judge my first ever competition at my Camera Club. I’d been given the images before-hand so I could award them all marks but it was still daunting to have to stand in front of 40 people and critique each image, trying not to be negative but still giving feedback on how each picture could be improved. I think I did OK though and got some nice comments afterwards 🙂 This Wednesday is an even bigger day, as I am guest speaker at a Scottish Camera club and have to talk for nearly 2 hours in front of a room full of complete strangers – gulp!
I don’t think my emotions or energy are being helped by my schizophrenic hormones. Last month I had a period on day 12 of my cycle and this month, despite feeling like it’s going to start any second, I am currently on day 36 of my cycle with no show from Aunt Flo. I am waking every sodding night at 4.30am and not getting back to sleep. Even last night, when I didn’t get to bed til nearly midnight, I was still wide awake at 4am. FFS. I have also had another 2 brutal migraines this week which weren’t helped by the fact the road outside my house is being resurfaced and men with drills spent 8 hours one day taking up the old tarmac. I can’t tell you how ready I am for this menopause bollocks to be over.
A couple of weeks ago my friends kids came to model for me and I’ve ummed and ahhhd over what to do with the resulting images. I still haven’t decided how to edit the older girls’ picture but finally came up with an idea for the younger one’s which I’m happy with – I’m calling it Evacuee.
I’ve had an incredibly busy summer and have been preparing for my talk this week for months (I’m showcasing nearly 90 pictures!), so even though I’m excited to do it I’ll also be glad when it’s over and I can have a well earned rest. I feel I’ve been neglecting myself recently and am in imminent danger of a relapse so I’m planning on having a quiet run up to Christmas to try and claw back some energy – famous last words!