I wish I could begin this post by saying I’ve had a great week for a change but sadly I’d be lying. It’s been shit. I am poleaxed by exhaustion to the point where I feel I may be on the verge of an M.E. relapse, something I haven’t had in years. My limbs feel like concrete and my blood is poisoned with achy, fluey weakness. I’m assuming my hormones are to blame – I seem to be blaming them for everything lately – and I know the Menopause has caused relapses for other women with M.E.
I am definitely having vasomotor events, just no flushing. They happen at roughly the same time each day, between 6-8pm and 6-8am, which I thought was totally weird until I Googled it and discovered that oestrogen is lowest at those times of the day and other women had experienced the same thing. I am learning so much about my body at the moment, which under other circumstances would be fascinating but under current circumstances I couldn’t care less about – I just want the symptoms to bugger off.
I am sleeping for England. After having 2 months of being woken several times a night to pee sleeping through is wonderful but on the flip side going back to sleep at 10am and then again at 3pm and then again at 8pm means there’s very little of the day I’m actually conscious. Nothing is getting done.
My brain fog is seriously bad and I feel like I’m being drip fed a mild dose of general anaesthetic. I am dizzy, spaced out and totally unable to think straight. Even watching my favourite TV programmes is beyond me let alone doing any photography.
I am hurting all over. I’ve had bowel and stomach pain for days, a bit like when my period is about to start (which isn’t about to happen cos I’m only on day 8 of my cycle). My back in particular is constantly painful and not helped by the fact I have some kind of butt strain, in both buttocks. Not on my actual bum cheeks more underneath and at the top of my inner thighs at the back. I’m assuming it’s my adductor magnus or gracilis muscles but why both should be strained at the same time is a mystery. Walking is painful because I constantly have ‘the burn’ even just pottering round the house. The very last thing I needed was a red hot arse on top of everything else 😉
I am also plagued with cramp for reasons unknown. Getting dressed, moving in bed or just stretching my legs makes them go into painful spasm. Before anyone mentions magnesium or indian tonic water I know all about them thanks, having been ill for some considerable time.
To add insult to injury I’ve also had a 2 day migraine this week and toothache. Yippe-fucking-doo.
Despite my body catastrophically failing me, however, I am trying to refuse to give in and still went out for lunch with my closest friend at Camera Club……..who told me she is moving to the North East 😦 Honestly, I could have bawled. We get on really well and I have so few friends to start with that I was gutted. Talk about kicking a girl when she’s down.
On Thursday I had to drive to the city for a mammogram. I can’t remember half the journey and am amazed I got there in one piece, but at least it’s over and done with. I’m not going to lie though, having it done nips like a bitch.
The only bright spot on my horizon was that I won another medal in an International Photography salon, this time a Special Jury Award in India for my Swallow! picture. I currently have several ideas for photos in my head and it’s massively frustrating to not be well enough to do any of them.
It’s now 7.30am. I woke at 6am, having slept for 8 hours, and I’m already seriously ready to go back to sleep and if it weren’t for the fact my tummy’s rumbling I’d do just that!