The heatwave continues and while I am loving it it’s making both me and the dog feel pretty wiped. A combination of the unusually high temperatures and high histamine levels which make me pee up to 4 times a night are also interrupting my sleep big time and I would kill for a decent kip.
I’m really not sure what my currently high histamine is all about. I’m not eating anything I wouldn’t usually eat and am not stressed in any way – in fact, I’m super chilled and enjoying my summer. My backside is covered in hives though, I’m having a pain flare, am exhausted and going back to sleep only three hours after I’ve gotten up and I’m peeing like a race horse which are my signs for histamine that is rampant. The only culprits I can think of are my injuries from last month, a shed load of insect bites and my schizophrenic hormones.
I had some soul destroying news on Tuesday. After seeing the ophthalmologist at my local hospital who agreed my floaters are so bad something needs to be done I’ve been waiting for a referral to a specialist at a larger hospital. The ophthalmologist rang me on Thurs, however, to tell me that her referral had been rejected as “there is nothing wrong with my vision”! I can barely see out of my right eye and my left gets worse by the day, to the point where I can no longer read for pleasure and editing my photos is so difficult it’s reduced me to tears on more than one occasion. She suggested I find a vitreous Consultant and then ask my GP to refer me, which is fine but how am I supposed to know which Consultant to see?! Over the years I have received so little help from the health care system it makes me want to top myself and put myself out of my misery.
I had a horrendously painful migraine on Weds night and at 2am caved and took some junior Ibuprofen, to which I had a reaction. FFS. However, it only lasted about 10 minutes and then settled to the point where I fell asleep, waking the next morning with zero pain. God how I long to take drugs and not be petrified about anaphylaxis
Despite my awful night I’d arranged to meet a friend for lunch on Thursday so dragged my sick and exhausted arse out of bed and made the drive up to the Lake, getting there dizzy, nauseous and spaced out. I’m glad I made the effort though because I actually had a laugh and a brilliant natter and felt mentally, if not physically, better for it.
The Farmer rang me again this week and I admit I was quite curt with him. For one I didn’t give him my number he stole it from a Camera Club rota and for two I’ve given him zero encouragement or reason to think I am romantically interested in him – get the fucking message and stop bothering me.
I entered an international photography salon this week and all 8 of my images were rejected, even photos that had won me trophies and Honourable Mentions in other salons and competitions. I’ve never had all my images rejected before and I admit it led to a crisis of confidence with me spending a couple of days thinking I was a terrible photographer. I already feel like a fraud who is scraping by on flukes and this just re-enforced my belief. One of my fav online fine art photographers talks about this in a vlog and I relate to every word – women seem to be particularly prone to self doubt. In the end I had to give myself a stern talking to and reason that even if no-one else in the world likes my pictures I like them and that’s all that counts.
Taking advantage of the hot weather and trying (in vain) to distract myself from my pain levels, I got a little padding pool out in the garden and played around in the water with my camera. I didn’t quite know what I was aiming for but was chuffed with this image I’m calling Ophelia.
I’m liking myself with red hair so much I’ve sent for an auburn wig. I have Irish ancestry and three of my cousins have gorgeous red hair, so maybe I was always meant to be ginger and not boring mousey brown 😀