My life is nuts. There are times it seems incredible to me that someone who has no full-time job and no kids could ever be this busy. I blame poor time-management skills for constantly being late. I blame my forgetfulness on my hormones. I blame my permanent state of mental and physical exhaustion on my inability to sleep well. But that’s not all there is to it.
There’s a meme doing the rounds on Facebook which sums up my problem in a nutshell and it’s this: healthy people have about 16 useable hours in a day, whereas I have about 6 (if I’m lucky and it’s a ‘good’ day. On a bad day I have about 2). Yet I still have to do most of the things healthy people do, I just have less than half the time in which to do it.
I still have to wash, dress, shop, cook, eat, wash-up, tidy the house, walk the dog, pay bills, do paperwork, buy birthday presents, look after 2 sick elderly parents and maintain their schedules, do laundry, reply to emails (inbox currently standing at 152), blog, keep my car running, pluck my eyebrows, maintain my scooter, weed the garden, shave my armpits (it’s summer after all), keep up with friends, deadhead the flowers, feed the birds, attend endless medical appointments, sweep the paths, fix broken stuff, put the bins out, do the recycling (paper/tins/plastic on a Monday, garden bins on a Wednesday), remember to get money to pay the window cleaner and the house cleaner (when she bothers to turn up) and the dog walker……….and in my ‘spare’ time do my photography. Only I have to do it all before 4pm, because at 4pm my body conks on me and I am confined to bed until 9am the next morning.
OK I don’t have children or a full-time job (other than my health, which fucking well is a full time job) but I do have a dog which is like having a permanent 3 year old that never grows up (feeding, bathing, hair cutting, beard cleaning, toe nail trimming, pain management, exercise, cuddling, playing, loving and being woken at 5.30am 365 days of the year) and two confused parents who rely on me for just about everything – kids would be easier because at least they eventually become independent. And let’s not forget the fact that I’M SICK. Healthy people do what it is they do feeling absolutely fine. I, OTOH, do everything I do through pain, nausea, buzzy pins ‘n needles, feeling like I’m coming down with some evil lurgie every second of every hour of every day and on roughly five hours sleep.
It’s no wonder that my brain is so full I forget things. It’s no wonder I’m often late with so much to do and so little time in which to do it. And it’s no wonder I’m permanently exhausted, having done the equivalent of two full-time jobs in a week.
When I tell healthy people I’m busy they look at me in amazement. “You spend half the day in bed!” they say accusingly, like I’m lolling about there for fun and relaxation. This might be true but before I’ve crawled between the sheets I’ve crammed into 6 hours what they leisurely do in 16, and when healthy people have been in bed all night they wake refreshed and raring to go whereas I’m still completely fucking exhausted from the day before.
I swear if one more person asks me “what do you do all day, do you not get bored?” I might actually slap them 😀