I can only apologise for there not being a blog post this week……again. It seems to be becoming a bit of a habit. I am riddled with pain, not sleeping and as grumpy as a bear with a sore arse so to be honest I just haven’t felt very chatty.
Monday initially panned out as per usual. I went to see my parents and did various jobs for them like renewing their car insurance and filling in some medical forms, then took Bertie for a potter down by the river on the way home. All was fine, except I was feeling particularly tired and sore so at 6.30pm I ran myself a bath with the intention of slavering Ibuleve gel everywhere and having an early night. No such luck. Bert wandered into the bathroom then proceeded to do several whizzy circles before standing still like a statue and not moving, which usually means his herniated spinal disc is hurting like hell and he can’t get comfortable. So I got out of the bath early and gave him some paracetamol. It didn’t help and it became obvious he couldn’t sit without huge discomfort and couldn’t lie down at all. He’s been on Gabapentin in the past and I had some tablets left over, so I gave him one of those which usually works wonders. Not this time. It didn’t even touch the sides. By 10pm it was clear something was very wrong and, as there is a risk his herniated disc could slip entirely and paralyse him, I rang the vets for advice. The vet was out on a call but eventually rang me back and said I had to take Bert through to the surgery. So 11 o’clock at night saw me getting dressed and heading into town. The vet was a bit flummoxed as to what the issue was, but gave him a Tramadol injection and said we’d just have to see what the next 12-24 hours brought and I had to keep an eye out for any signs of paralysis or neurological deficits. Thankfully after his jab Bert managed to get some sleep (more than me at any rate) and was moving around more the next morning though still couldn’t sit or lie without pain. So I rang the vets back and they left a prescription for 4 days worth of Tramadol in tablet form. This helped enormously and he’s now totally back to normal, so I’m assuming he’d just sprained or strained a muscle in his back. I can’t even put into words how relieved I am.
I, on the other hand, have come out in sympathy with a huge pain flare up. In fact, my back and pelvic pain hasn’t gone since my period finished last week so although I’m not bleeding I still feel like I’m having my menstrual cycle, excruciating endo and adeno pain included. My pain has never lasted beyond my period before, so I’ve no idea what’s going on. My knees are aching, my thighs are burning, I’m getting shooting pains down both legs right to my toes, my entire back is painful, my hips are killing me and I have constant lower right abdominal pain. I’m fucking miserable. The pain is making sleep difficult and nothing I do is helping.
I was hugely tired following my period in any event so it feels unfair for my body to not let me rest. You know it’s bad when I missed my Camera Club on Wednesday night and was barely out of bed from Tuesday to Friday. God I was bored and barely spoke to anyone for days. These are the times I’d kill for someone to present me with my dinner on a tray in bed and wash up afterwards, or even just ring me and ask how I am because my parents didn’t even bother 😦
Friday morning I received a phone call out of the blue. A lady comes to my house to clip Bertie and we’d arranged for it to be done back in November but she didn’t turn up, even though I’d spent 1½ backbreaking hours shampooing, drying and brushing him so he was ready to be cut. The worst part is she didn’t ring me to say she wasn’t coming until 15 minutes before the appointment time – if she’d rung me first thing I wouldn’t have bothered bathing him and getting him ready for heaven’s sake! Then in December she arranged to come and have her daughter photographed and never turned up for that either. She rang me to apologise saying she’d simply forgotten and eventually we re-scheduled for January. Only she didn’t turn up again, this time not even bothering to ring and apologise and I hadn’t heard a peep out of her for two months until this week. I think she treated me so shoddily I could barely speak to her. After giggling an apology for not turning up back in January (her excuse is that she just forgot, again) and me telling her was totally unacceptable as I’d had to leave a Consultant’s appointment with my Dad early and it had taken me an hour to set the studio up, not to mention the time spent ironing two dresses for the little girl to wear and by the way has she forgotten I’m ill?, she had the cheek to say she was ringing to invite me round for coffee and a natter! Some folk have no shame. I felt like agreeing then simply not turning up, but unlike her I respect other people’s time and energy so just declined the invitation with all the politeness I could muster before saying I had to go and putting the phone down. I was about as friendly as an Iceberg but I can’t stand people who continually treat you like shit then laugh about it like it’s inconsequential – it’s not. Needless to say I will be finding someone else to clip Bertie.
Speaking of photographs, I have an idea in my head for an image taken through a fake rainy window, so ordered a huge piece of clear acrylic sheeting to act as the glass. It arrived on Weds in packaging which looked like it had gone 10 rounds with Amir Khan and with an inch long scratch, so I had to take loads of photos and send them off to the company I bought it from. They were fine and agreed to replace it, but it just pisses me off that every single thing you do these days goes wrong. I barely have the energy to do stuff when it all goes well but when I have to repeat the process it’s all just too much.
Spending so much time in bed, though, I have managed to finish a photo I’ve been working on for a while. It’s involved learning a few new photoshop skills but I’m fairly happy with the end result which I’m calling ‘Queen Bee’. I do actually need a few more bees for the picture but they are still hibernating so I’ll have to wait until summer to totally finish the shot. The tiara (from China, via Amazon) is gorgeous and I pranced around the house in it for most of the morning. I swear I wasn’t born to be poor – being a princess suits me better 😀
Saturday was the first day we’ve had this year with the temperature in double digits, so despite still being in godawful pain I was determined to go for a walk with Bertie. I rang my Dad to ask if he wanted to tag along and we went up to one of the Lakes both of us hobbling along like a pair of constipated ducks, my Dad from his spinal stenosis +arthritis and me from my fuck-knows-what. The scenary was stunning as per usual, I never cease to be grateful that I live where I do and the exercise did wonders for my mood and spirit at the time, however at 3.30am this morning when pain woke me then refused to let me go back to sleep I second guessed whether or not it had been my best ever plan. It’s times like these when you have no clue what’s happening or what to do about the situation that you really should have medical backup – a professional with knowledge of EDS who could offer advice and guidance. But as usual I have no-one and am just left to get on with it. It’s the 21st Century and the fact I’m receiving zero medical care for any of my three conditions really is a disgrace.
So as you can probably tell I’m grumpy, exhausted and fed up which is all a bit pointless as it doesn’t change the situation but this week I haven’t been able to be anything but. I’d give my left arm for some pain killing drugs as my trusty TENS machine, which does usually help to mask my back pain, is having no effect whatsoever and the novelty of the shooting, burning pains in my legs is wearing thin. I’ve also been having some mast cell reactions after I eat which I haven’t had in 3 years, however my brain won’t even let me think about that let alone talk about it so for now I’m ignoring it in the hopes it will bugger off. Yes, I know that’s unlikely but I’m happy in my denial, reality being more than I can handle just at the mo.
Until next time my friends x