This week seems to have passed in a bit of a tired blur. Bloody hormones, I do wish they’d bog off and leave me alone. I type this with stomach ache, back ache, nausea, weariness, a weird head and a general yukkiness all because my period is imminent. Knowing that the end is in sight, yet not quite being there, is so frustrating. Pleeeease Menopause hurry it along so I don’t have to go through this crap every month.
My Uncle died on Friday, though it was expected and he was already in hospital. It’s sad, but he’s suffered with awful ill health the past couple of years none of which was curable so even his children admit it’s a blessing. He’d had a long, healthy and happy life – you can’t ask for more than that. It’s the Dad of my cousin with breast cancer, and to be honest I’m secretly pleased he’s passed away now so that she can bury him before her surgery at the start of February and then concentrate on getting herself well.
Despite feeling relentlessly rubbish I crossed something off my Bucket List this week. I saw a Starling Murmuration up close and personal high on the Pennine fells. OMG it was breathtaking. It started with about 20 birds in a circle in the sky and within 5 minutes a thousand birds had appeared out of nowhere. They danced and swooped almost silently, creating mesmerizing patterns in magical unison, and at one stage they were right above me so low I could have almost reached out and touched them – good job none of them needed the loo or I would have been pebbled dashed!
We were back at Camera Club on Wednesday night after our Christmas break and it was the judging of our annual Millennium Trophy competition, in which I came a respectable second. The theme this year was ‘a panel of three’ so I tried something a bit experimental by simulating under water pictures. The reason the judge gave for me not actually winning was that he didn’t like the fact the middle and right photos were dark at the bottom. I was trying to convey the depth of the water but he thought it was unnecessary – what does he know anyway 😉
As I’m aging, and as people around me die, I’m increasingly aware of how precious life is and how short. Having been so ill all these years there is a probability that I will not live as long as if I’d been healthy and I have an urge to make every day count, so I’ve been looking for goals to set myself for 2018. But they have to be things which don’t put me under pressure, things I enjoy and things I can physically achieve. My first is to try for my next photographic distinction in November, which I think I’ve mentioned previously, and my second is to write more of my book which was shelved last year in favour of my photography and due to the health issues of my parents. It’s tortuous going as I can only write one paragraph at a time, and then only on the days when my brain is clear enough, but I’ll keep plugging away because I’m determined to finish it and tell my story.
I received an email on Wednesday morning from the Lottery people. “We have exciting news about your ticket. Log in to your account as soon as possible.” OMG I’m rich. RICH! So I log in with heart hammering and hands shaking……………to discover I’d won £4.30. Guess I won’t be buying my own tropical island or hiring my own Chef any time soon then!