Whoooooooo. This is the sound of me exhaling, something I haven’t done for a good 2 months. Finally I’ve been able to have a couple of days at home and actually slob about in my jim jams, well until it’s time to take the furry child out for his afternoon jollies when it’s advisable to put some clothes on – I’d be a Smorgasboard for mozzies, ticks and midges if I sauntered through the woods half naked.
Physically my Mum is coping OK, but it’s her behaviour which is astounding me. She is no longer drunk and we are having actual conversations in which she is lucid, rational and just plain normal. And she’s now ringing me too, which she hasn’t done for 4 years as she was too busy getting legless. I don’t have to think about what time of day it is, because I can speak to her at 7pm at night and she’s just the same as she was at 10am. When she was drinking she was so smashed she made no sense by evening. On a purely selfish level it’s wonderful.
But more than that she’s really calm. My Mum’s always been a feisty person and while she’s been drinking she’s been a mare. She constantly got frustrated and irritated, particularly with my Dad, and was a real bully at times. But since coming out of hospital she is weirdly chilled. She is not snappy and constantly losing her cool, which means visiting isn’t the stressful experience it used to be.
I arranged for her GP to come and check her over and had a quiet word with her about the situation. My fear is that now Mum is out of hospital, she is not being fussed over by the nurses, she doesn’t have the other patients to chat to, she’s not drinking and is discovering the full extend of her physical limitations and isolation that she will nose dive into severe depression. She drank because she was unhappy and lonely and that hasn’t gone anywhere. So the GP is coming back this week to monitor her mental health. I’m not buying this new, zen persona for a second, though I’m enjoying it while it’s on offer.
My hormones have been rampant this week and I had a very painful ovulation. My egg release is getting more and more excruciating, I’m assuming because of all the endo-related adhesions on my ovaries, and for a couple of days I literally couldn’t stand up straight. I also had a niggly migraine for 4 days which kind’ve spoiled my R&R and my emotions were up and down like a bride’s nightie – one minute tearful, the next wanting to tear someone’s head off. S’not nice.
Wednesday night was my Camera Club and months ago I’d been roped into doing a demonstration on Photoshop. I woke that morning with a migraine which got worse as the day progressed, but thankfully it wasn’t bad enough to stop me driving so I soldiered on. All was fine until mid-way through the workshop when my brain suddenly felt like it had become loose and had gone crashing into the side of my skull. I seriously thought I was having a stroke. For a few minutes all thought processes ceased and I literally couldn’t speak, which was proper scary. Although it settled down, for the next half an hour trying to get my thoughts and words together was tricky and my blood sugar plummeted until my hands were shaking. These weird vertigo-like episodes are becoming more frequent and I’m not sure if it’s to do with the peri-menopause or is linked to my migraine (I’m thinking more hormones because they often happen without a headache). I do wish they’d jog on cos they’re starting to freak me out.
Being as though I had a few hours to myself this week I was able to take some photos, which I haven’t had time for in ages. We have a competition coming up with the theme of ‘Water’, so I decided to try and photograph ‘rain’ which involved being outside in the dark in a flimsy dress and standing under a freezing cold hosepipe when it was only 10C outside. I won’t be doing that again in a hurry 😉
On balance it’s not been a bad week all things considered, though my mast cells are certainly on high alert from all the stress and over-exertion of the past few weeks. I am seriously not sleeping, have nightly anxiety nightmares which leave me drenched in sweat and am getting up in the night for a pee, a sure sign my histamine is rampant. My back and joints are also painful, which is probably a combination of my hormones, mast cells and the autumnal weather, and my appetite has gone through the roof (definitely menopause related!). On the plus side I’m starting to feel more like a human being than road kill and at least have clean socks and undies now I’ve had chance to do some laundry 🙂