No fight left

It’s been 5 weeks since the human rights organization Liberty said they might be interested in taking my disability discrimination case and I finally managed to get through to their advice line on Thursday.  It wasn’t good news.  They’re not going to represent me after all and I’m absolutely gutted.

It’s 2017.  How can the Equality Act, which is supposed to protect my rights and treat everyone equally, allow me, as a disabled woman, to be treated differently to everyone else?  How can everyone else be paid a health insurance until they’re 65 but allow mine to stop at 60 leaving me with five years to live in abject poverty?  The unfairness of that makes my blood boil and the fact that no-one gives a shit makes me even more furious.

I’ve tried every single avenue in the past two years and gotten nowhere.  And I’m exhausted.  I seem to’ve spent my entire life fighting and I’m not sure I’ve got any fight left.

I fought to have my depression recognized as a teenager.
I fought for five years to have my back pain recognized as a physical, not a psychological, problem.
I fought for a year to stop my ex-husband taking my home off me.
I fought to have my M.E. recognized as a physical, not a mental, illness.
I fought to receive even basic medical care, and failed.
I fought to receive basic social care, and failed.
I fought to be ill health retired from my job.
I fought to receive welfare benefits for the first 8 years of my illness.
I fought to keep my Permanent Health Insurance for the first 6 years of my illness.
I fought the builder who agreed to sell me a house, took £4000 of my money then raised the price of the house by £50,000 which I couldn’t afford, and lost.
I fought to have my EDS diagnosed.
I fought to have my MCAD diagnosed.
I lost the fight to have either illness treated in any way.
I fought the company who installed my gas fire and gave me carbon monoxide poisoning.
I fought my Permanent Health Insurance company for two years when they tried to take my money off me.
I fought when the Government said I was fit for work and tried to take my sickness benefits off me.
I fought my Permanent Health Insurance company when they tried to take my money off me for a second time.
And I’ve fought every single day of the past 23 years just to survive.

I’m so tired.  So tired of having to do everything alone and not receiving any help.  Tired of no-one giving a crap.  Tired of being treated like I don’t matter.  Tired of being ripped off.  Tired of the injustice, the money worries and the hardship.  Tired of the fight.

I don’t know where to go from here.  I suppose I should just give up but I’m left with this boiling rage that I can be shit on from a great height and I’m just supposed to lie down in the muck and die.  I can’t accept it.  It’s not right.  It’s not FAIR goddammit!  And I hate unfairness.

So if anyone has any bright ideas let me know.  Or if anyone has a friend or relative working for a Legal 500 law firm who specializes in discrimination cases and who hasn’t already ignored me, let me know that too.  Or pray, if you think it will do any good.  I need some help, I need it now and I don’t care where it comes from!




17 thoughts on “No fight left

  1. Glo

    I wish I could offer some help. I’m hoping someone will be able to. It’s always seemed to me that the people who need the most help are ignored while those who actually don’t need help but have learned how to scam the system get everything. It’s the most frustrating thing in the world to me. I see way too many people who are perfectly fine getting all the help. Hoping something amazing happens for you.


    1. Jak Post author

      I totally agree Glo! I have sick friends who seem to have everything always go right for them and it makes me crazy. They have wonderful partners, supportive doctors, no money worries and everything just falls into their lap. My entire life has been one fight after another and I’m just exhausted from it.

      Jak x


  2. Laetitia Lalila

    Oh dear, Jak!!! I’m deeply sorry to hear that Liberty won’t take on your case, I was keeping my fingers crossed the whole time rooting for you. I’m also sorry that you had to go through all the other BS too, some of it I didn’t even know, you’re right to feel the way that you do, life IS completly and utterly UNFAIR.

    I’m in a similar situation, I suffer from horrible pain in my muscles, joints, intestines, raging insomnia and persisent fatigue. Yet nobody believes me, nobody diagnoses me, nobody helps me, I get no disability benefits and for the time being survive with my mother from her retirement money. After her passing away, I will not have any source of income as I’m not diagnosed and can’t retire having worked only 5 years of my life.

    I think that you did all your best, and deserve some rest. You are an inspiration to all of us for fighting the good fight. I hope that you can take a few days your mind off of these things, take some pictures, sit outside, spend time with mum. Sometimes in life, even if you don’t think there is a solution to your problems, that does not mean it does not exist, just that you will find it

    I will send my prayers and all my love for you!


    1. Jak Post author

      Really sorry to hear about your situation Laetitia 😦 I remember well the not being diagnosed thing, or with doctors telling me it was all in my head, and the rage that I knew it wasn’t but not being able to get them to believe me. It’s appalling and wouldn’t happen to men! If my parents hadn’t helped with the cost of seeing private specialists I still wouldn’t be diagnosed – it shouldn’t be that only rich people get the medical help they need!

      Big hugs
      Jak x

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Sarah

    I have a friend that’s a solicitor. I will try and speak to her for you, but she’s on holiday so it won’t be for a week.
    Give me a nudge as I might forget x


    1. Jak Post author

      Thanks Sarah that’s kind. It’s not illegal to do what my insurance co. are doing, and my case would have to be fought under European equality or human rights law, setting a legal precedent. So it’s a HUGE case that no-one wants to tackle 😦

      I’ve found several other women with ME that are in the same position and who were willing for Liberty to include them in the action but it made no odds 😦

      I’ve also written to every newspaper and telly programme I can think of and didn’t get a single reply. Insurance isn’t a very sexy topic in comparison to the human rights of asylum seekers, gay people or ethnic minorities.

      Jak x

      Liked by 2 people

  4. Bea Ravn

    For what it’s worth, Jak, you are not alone, even if it may feel like it. All of us with ME or other badly understood conditions will have met our highly unfair share of unfair treatment. And we are all fighting it as best we can to the limit of our minimal energy. And feel the frustration of getting nowhere. But with all of us niggling away, things WILL change. They must.
    Before you turn your rage into more fighting, have some rest. Only fair (something has to be ) , you deserve it.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Sarah

    Sorry, another thing, did you find anyone else in a similar situation to you? That’s where I believe facebook and twitter might help (ask your friends how, as I’m not sure) A law firm would be more likely to take on a class action if they think they have a case and some may do no win no fee too.
    I would also write to the newspapers or the BBC as Panorama cover stories like these. I think they may pick them up from your local news outlet.
    These companies do not want bad publicity as also any publicity if you did have a case would cost them a fair package.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. carmensnip

    That’s been a long time of hard fighting. Really horrible! So sorry to hear this.
    I’ve been thinking about this post for the past week, wondering how I could help.
    I live in the Netherlands, no nothing about British Law. But, I might have a small tip.

    Since you provide so much valuable and helpful info, I can imagine people would like to help you in return. Why not put a donation button on your blog and – as a thank you – people can choose and receive one of your photographs (via email for example). Donations are free from tax in most countries.

    I believe there is no shame in asking for help and donations, especially when it makes for a balanced exchange.


    1. Jak Post author

      Thanks so much for thinking of me Carmen, that means a lot. I think a court case is going to cost several thousand pounds, so I’m not sure I could raise that much cash. I could always sell my body lol! Jak x

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Karen, The Walking Allergy

    I’m right there with you. I’ve had ENOUGH. The stunning things that some physicians will do to protect their precious ego. My illness is NOT caused by psychosomatic factors. I have mental health issues- but they are a result of how I was treated, not a cause of the illness. I’ve had more than one doctor say “You can’t be having anaphylaxis every day, you would be hospitalized!” Thanks for the circular arguement…

    I’m so used to just plowing through, that people forget how much it takes for me to do something. Sure, I look fine at their office- but I haven’t eaten anything for at least 12 hours, I’m taking triple doses of my meds, and I will spend three days in bed recovering. We are all so used to just ‘dealing’ that when it is more than we can handle, we get these surprised looks from our doctors. “You’re still having pain?” Um…yeah! Did I tell you it had stopped? If I listed everything that was still going on at each appointment, they’d see me every day! I only bring up the stuff we can DO something about. But that doesn’t mean the other stuff is gone. When she asked about the pain, I said, “I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t in pain.”, and she looked so startled…

    I’m with you there, my dear. The strongest ones get the least help. Think we could convince each other that it’s a compliment when they say ridiculous things??

    And though it may seem that you are fighting this fight alone, you aren’t. You are fighting for more than just yourself, you’re fighting for those who don’t even know that there is a fight! Your fight helped me live. And I will help others. The ripple effect may not be dramatic, but it’s there. And that is important.



  8. Lindsay de Laune

    You are a fierce warrior Jaks- we who haven’t got the strength to tackle these issues salute you and respect you. You sound an amazing woman – you should be proud of all you HAVE. achieved.
    Will pray you have a breakthrough xxx😘

    Liked by 1 person

  9. luthienthegreen

    So sorry to hear this. I just wrote a post about equality on ( because I’m so frustrated with the discrimination. I had to fight to get my eating disorder recognised too. It’s a horrible feeling when you yourself wish it wasn’t true. I hope you are coping somehow in spite of what happened. I’ve only read one post but you come across as a really strong person. It takes courage to fight for the things you’ve fough for!



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