All I want for Xmas is..

Having 1 potentially life-threatening, 1 chronically painful and 1 beyond exhausting disease you’d think All I’d Want For Christmas would be to be healthy.  Or pain-free.  Or to have my first night of uninterrupted 7 hours sleep in over 20 years. Or to have a Euromillions win so’s I could employ a chef to make all my low histamine meals.  Or a Cleaner who comes more than once a fortnight.  And whilst all these things would be life-altering (if unrealistic) it’s not what I truly want for Christmas.

What I’d really really like is a cuddle.  To snuggle on the sofa with someone I love (or even like a lot, I’m not that fussy 😉 ), with the fire glowing, the Xmas tree lights twinkling and maybe some gentle Christmassy music playing in the background.

I haven’t dated now for 8 years.  I don’t go anywhere to meet anyone, and 40/50something single men, who are attractive, intelligent, share my warped sense of humour, and don’t live 3000 miles away on another continent seem hard to come by.  And most of the time I’m resigned to the fact I’ll be alone forever and I’m as OK with that as any 47 year old human being can be.  But at this time of year the goalposts change.

Christmas, however way you want to look at it, is not for single people.  It’s for sharing, caring and being with someone.  And any single person, especially one who is largely housebound and can’t get out to join in the festivities, who says they’re not lonely over Xmas is lying through their teeth.  So I’m not even going to pretend it’s fine to be alone at Christmas.  It’s not.  It sucks in every conceivable way and some ways you’ve not even thought about.

I’ve spent every one of the last 18 years (bar one) alone, so you’d think I’d be used to it.  And I am.  But I still wish it were different.  I still wish I was snuggled up on the sofa with someone I cared about.  Human beings have an innate need for physical human connection and to not have it, ever, is like some form of torture.

So, Santa, if you’re listening I’ve been ever such a good girl this year, so I’m happy to do without the perfumed toiletries I can’t use cos they make me itch, the chocolates I can’t eat cos they give me migraine, and the alcohol I can’t drink cos it makes me pass out, and I’ll settle for a cuddle instead.

Advertisements

8 thoughts on “All I want for Xmas is..

  1. kneillbc

    What a heartfelt wish! I have to admit that between my lovely husband and my two kids, I am never left wanting a hug. It is a fundamental human need. I will wish for you to find a lovely, funny man, who loves to cook, is happy to have a strong, independent woman by his side, and who prefers to stay in anyhow. He will have an affinity for dogs, and he will not have some kind of pathology for looking after someone who has fragile health, but he will take it in stride, because it doesn’t impede him too much. He lives a quiet life. His looks are utterly unimportant, but he happens to be rather cute. When he smiles, he spreads a warmth that everybody can feel.

    Reach for the Moon, Jax, at least you’ll land amongst the stars (I stole that quote, but I can’t remember who from!?!). What I’m saying is good luck- wonderful men are out there, you just have to find one. Have you tried a relationship website- at least you can weed out the really odd ones….

    Karen

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. bertieandme Post author

      I’m liking your ideal man description! 😉 I did internet dating for 10 years. I could write an entire blog on it, and none of it would be good. There’s a *really* cute guy at my Camera club, but he’s married. All the good ones are married and there’s always a very compelling reason why the rest are single (and likely to remain that way!) x

      Like

      Reply
      1. kneillbc

        Haaa! You crack me up! I’ll bet you have some great stories. I do too- I met my hubby online- and that was almost 20 years ago! We didn’t tell our parents until right before the wedding, because we thought it would freak them out!!! It was definitely something the wasnt ‘done’ yet.

        Now though, we’re at the age where there are some divorsé’s hanging around…although they are often not willing to get into another relationship, and often for good reason, to work out past issues first. I suppose you’re right- a lot of the ones who aren’t married, aren’t married for a reason. I know a couple of them that are the exception to the rule…but I’m afraid you’d have a touch of a geography situation with them- hugs would be distinctly challenging.

        Sod it. Hire someone. That way you are guaranteed to get exactly what you want, zero baggage. And, he won’t complain about doing the washing up- it’s part of the job description. (I’m kidding, well, almost 100% kidding…😉).

        Karen

        Like

        Reply
        1. bertieandme Post author

          OMG I’m totally impressed you met your hubby online!!! And so long ago – like you say, it wasn’t the ‘done thing’ then!

          I did try writing an entire book about my experiences with online dating it was that bad. Never got it finished though, too ill to be able to concentrate to write properly.

          American men are *much* more in touch with their emotions than British men which I love, but I find that American and British humour are miles apart (literally) so only British men make me laugh if I’m honest. American men are much better looking though! I really need a cross-breed 😉

          Like

          Reply
  2. danieljuk

    oh darling! if you had one you would be wishing for peace! hehe but it would be my xmas wish too. I do know people who met online and one or both is ill, never give up hope. I don’t! For now Bertie must be the cuddler or cuddlee? 😉 ❤

    Like

    Reply
    1. bertieandme Post author

      Yep, I guess a smelly, muddy, willy licking, tick riddled mutt whose fur makes me sneeze is better than nothing at all!! But I’m still hoping Santa will deposit Hugh Jackman in my stocking 😉 xxx

      Like

      Reply
  3. Elizabeth Milo

    Hmm, I’ve never once cuddled on the couch with my husband (it’s true- he’s just not a cuddler and likes to stay in “his” chair) and we sleep in different rooms on different floors! All I want for Christmas is a cuddle, too! 😉
    But I’m not making light of your situation, I can imagine how difficult it must be not having that live-in support. It’s one of the reasons you are so inspiring. I rack my brain to think of any single men I might know in England because I so want to play Cupid! Fingers crossed. X

    Like

    Reply

Leave a Comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s